Thursday, December 23, 2010

I have no gifts to bring... pa rum pum pum pum

Dear family and friends,

Ashley was so happy to text me to tell me about her Christmas bonus and that she just couldn't wait to deposit money in mom's account.

Aubrey's Christmas package to mom arrived today in Belize with wrapped goodies that I will save til Christmas morning. Her group of contemporaries at the VA hospital decided to make Aubrey's mom's Peace Corps playground THEIR Christmas project this year. They reached their goal yesterday and were so excited to pass on their generous gift to the children of San Miguel for a separate swing set next to the primary school.

Katrin made the trip to Belize for five days decked out in a Santa's hat and carrying stockings for Roger and myself with goodies and necessities... a lot of effort and expense...a warm demonstration of kindness and friendship.

I have received emails from many of you passing on wishes for a joyous Holiday Season and sharing life back home...from work to tennis to poker :)

It is Christmastime... and that just seems like the time for giving. But being a Peace Corps Volunteer doesn't lend itself to much, if any, disposable income... so that part of the equation, the 'giving back', for me is missing. It is humbling to have so little and most of the time it doesn't bother me at all. But at Christmas, it is a bit sad for me to not be able to give my children a single present. But, when I talk to them and listen to their stories, I realize that I must have given them something over the years...something that wasn't wrapped under the tree..something without a price tag. Because these three children have discovered that giving back of themselves to this planet is perhaps the greatest gift of all.

So, no Christmas tree here, no lights, no hustle and bustle at the Malls, no gift giving or receiving... it's pretty simple. All that energy for the busy holiday season is not needed in a third world country.

But it makes me think of what is really important... And for me it is that we are all brothers and sisters... not very different at all...and that we all want peace.

I have no gifts to bring but my sincerest wish... Peace on Earth...Goodwill towards Men. Merry Christmas and love from Belize...

God bless us all...tracy

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

THIS FEELS LIKE CHRISTMAS!!!

What a wonderful surprise to go to my gmail and see a message from Diana that said we reached our goal!!! That last push wasn't a push at all...it was Katrina's STORM SURGE!! Holy cow! So very, very excited and I am filled with gratitude for the help from family and friends...thank you ALL so very much.

I will keep you posted on the progress...not even sure how the funds get here but I'm sure I will hear shortly.

Also, Peace Corps doesn't divulge the names of donors or the amount of contribution so I have no way of individually thanking those who participated. But I know this was a group effort whether in thought or thought and deed! So thank you to each and every one of you.

Aubrey has a sister playground project going on through her VA Hospital in Gainesville. If you missed out on all the fun, just call her 308-0417 or write to: Aubrey Hall, 800 NW 19th Avenue Unit D, Gainesville, FL 32609

Happy Holidays!! You certainly made mine..

God bless us all...tracy

Monday, November 29, 2010

Almost at our goal!!

Dear Friends and Family,

Sorry to bother you and I know many of you have been sooooo generous with your support of my project in my village of San Miguel to build a playground for the children.

I checked the amount that we need to reach our goal and it's only $305!! Problem is we seem to be stuck there so I am appealing to those of you that may want to donate but haven't yet. The VA hospital in Gainesville where Aubrey is working has decided to support Aubrey's mom in her Peace Corps service for their Christmas project!! What they would like to do is fund a single swingset to be built at the school! We will already have had the gravel and sand donated and will have the 'labor force' in tact so this sounds like a great idea. I'm telling you this so that you know that if we get so fortunate as to reach our goal and possibly surpass it, the additional funds would be funneled into this sister project. San Miguel will have many smiling faces, I believe!!

Conversely, as I mentioned before, if we DON'T reach our goal, all your donated monies are pooled into a separate Peace Corps fund, which I think, stinks. The money that you have donated for my project may be used for other projects. Please, let's not let this happen...

You can click onto this address www.peacecorps.gov/index.cfm?shell=donate.contribute.projDetail&projdesc=535-151 and you will go directly to my project in San Miguel. Thanks so much! We can do this, I'm sure..

God bless us all...love, tracy

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Other Side of Peace Corps




I am happy because things are happening. The PCPP grant goal has almost been reached. Thank you, thank you! When that happens, we will begin the process of constructing a playground here in San Miguel. We recently received funding for cleaning and painting the school and installing six trash receptacles in the village. Five latrines have been constructed so now every family has a latrine. Four gardens have been started and we are all working together for the success of each others gardens. With this new awareness comes nutrition classes and I hope , exercises classes (but not likely due to lack of interest) Sewing classes for the ladies and a second computer camp for the children are in the works. My most recent project is trying to contact the Ministry of Health and Education to see WHO can replace the asbestos roof in one of the classrooms causing a critical health threat for the Standard VI (seventh grade) students. So you can see, much to do and much getting done! That feels good...

But the other side of Peace Corps service are the friendships...the human connections ... There is one young man in the village, Mauricio, that came to me months ago and said, “I love my village and I want to volunteer to make it a better place”. With this kind of attitude, we have set out to make things happen. It is refreshing in a culture where much has been given to them (mostly because of severe need but now, partly because they have become accustomed to the handouts, the projects, the financial aid from countries all over the world, not just the United States.) But here is Mauricio, still in high school, but ready to reach for his dreams and the dreams of his K'ekchi people. I LOVE this guy. We initially 'bonded' back in June when he was supposed to help me with something and I expected him at my house at 8am. But he text me to say that he would be later, that with the torrential rains from the night before, his firewood was drifting away. I asked him if he needed help. He text back that that would be great! So for the next four hours, he paddled his little handmade dinghy through the flooded bush collecting his wood and I carried each log, one by one the quarter mile to his house through knee deep mud. That's NOT easy!! Ever since, we have been helping each other...

Another friendship is Ruthilia. On a day back in January, I was riding the James Bus north from Punta Gorda. A man and his young daughter boarded the bus and since there were no seats together, the father sat a few rows up and his daughter sat next to me. We proceeded to talk...she was an eleven year old Maya K'ekchi girl from the village of Bella Vista (about 45 min bus ride north of me). We had a delightful conversation and when she was ready to get off at her village, she asked if she could have my cell phone number. Since then, there have been multitudes of texts, a few phone calls, I visited her village and met her family, and then she came to San Miguel and spent three nights here in the village with me. She has a golden heart, a sweet personality, and is driven academically. She is quite proud to tell me that she is at the top of her class. (During the year, the students are told their ranking within their class.) She has a dream of becoming a teacher. I foresee a lifelong friendship.

Then there is Mickey...my favorite dog in the village. Spirited, loyal, loving... a great friend!

There are many friends in the village but I'm a pretty private person. I think I am regarded as helpful and kind. I learned long ago not to attend church because that's the chief polarizing factor in our 'two-church' village. I had gone to one and then attended a wedding at the other and MAN, did I cause an uproar! No more...

I am happy to report that I have more Belizean cell phone numbers in my phone than Gringo numbers...I think I have integrated nicely... not only in my village but particularly on the roads of Belize.

God bless us all...love, tracy

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CARLENE!!!

Things have been pretty busy in the village. The best news is that we have almost reached our goal for the playground. It is a sizeable amount so therefore I was never convinced that we would meet our goal but now we are down to the last $600 so I'm sure we will be successful...then the fun begins...Can't thank you enough for your outpouring of love and support. Once we reach the goal, the funds come directly here and we can begin the process of ordering materials and having them delivered here...then construction...lots of planning and preparing but should go smoothly with Roger overseeing construction (That's what he did back home before Peace Corps) All the villagers are onboard for clearing the land and the actual construction! Again, thanks so much!!! I will be sending you pictures of our work!

I'm at our computer lab in the village and things are really busy in here right now. But had to write TODAY because it's my good friend, Carlene's birthday!! Hope it's wonderful...I will call you sometime today and sing! Bet you can hardly wait!!

Hope all is well with everyone. I am so grateful for the friendships I have back home. Can't wait to see all your beautiful faces SOON!! I love it here but also miss home terribly...so see you soon!

God bless us all...tracy

Monday, October 25, 2010

Sober in Mexico!

¡¡¡Queridos amigos un otra vez!!!

OK!!! One day later and I´m behaving myself!

Just checked the status of your donations toward our goal...WE ARE ALMOST HALF THE WAY THERE!!! Thank you so much...I´m feeling like we can do this and I SOOOOOO appreciate your support.

Any of you that still would like to contribute, go to http://www.peacecorps.gov/index.cfm?shell=donate.contribute.projDetail&projdesc=535-151
and it will take you right to my project.

Apparently, Hurricane Richard made landfall right in Belize City as a Category I last night. There is zero television coverage here in Mexico so I have no idea of damage. Hope they fared ok. Back in Florida it would be minimal but Belize isn´t built like a Chevy! Let´s hope for the best.

God bless us all...tracy

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Buzzed in Playa!

¡¡¡Queridos amigos!!!

Ok, so this is only the second time in my life when I have inbibed alone! But the other time was also during my Peace Corps experience so I better watch the trend, huh? I only had one margarita but it went straight to my head. It just seems like the kind of afternoon to enjoy a little cocktail but it´s not anywhere close to 5 o´clock here but maybe somewhere? ...I was told by Peace Corps to leave Belize a day early and head to Mexico where Bobby is due to arrive maƱana! I drink to the fact that I traveled the 15 plus hours and made it here shortly after midnight. So, I´m here in Mexico and so I drink to my son´s possible arrival! I say ´possible´because Belize is expecting a Category I or possibly II hurricane late tonight or early tomorrow. So I drink to Hurricane Richard. Cancun should not be affected too much other than wind and rain?? So, I sure hope I will see my wonderful son tomorrow!! I drink to the fact that I am alone where everyone here in Playa del Carmen seems to be with someone they love!! (I miss Roger!) Maybe you just notice that type of thing more when you walk alone? I drink to all the Americans here in Mexico that stand out because of their brisk pace...Mexicans (and definitely Belizeans) walk more like they are enjoying the scenery, their vacation, perhaps even their lives... I have learned to stop and smell the roses...enjoy the journey...not be attached to the end result. It has been a good lesson.

I would MUCH prefer to be here with YOU enjoying a margarita...

And I also drank because the waiter told me it was Happy Hour and that margaritas were only 20 pesos!! (That´s just a little more than one dollar!!) My total bill for lunch and drink was $6.27!!¡¡¡!! Cheers!

God bless us all...tracy

Sunday, October 10, 2010

My PCPP is finally posted on the Peace Corps Website!!

Peace Corps Belize contacted me yesterday that my Peace Corps Partnership Program grant application has finally been posted on their website.

This is the proposal for the construction of the playground in San Miguel. If you are interested and/or able to contribute, you can do so by visiting the website at
www.peacecorps.gov/index.cfm?shell=donate.contribute.projDetail&projdesc=535-151

All monies go directly to this project of mine. Your help is greatly appreciated. Thank you so much

As always, God bless us all...tracy

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

October 6th!!

Today is October 6th and Cristina Miller's birthday. Happy Birthday Cristina!! Yo Yo's (Joanna) birthday was the 1st and Nancy's is the 14th! Happy Birthday to you ALL!!

It is a day like this that gives us cause for celebration. You ALL are such good friends that I thank the good Lord every day for your friendship. For instance, Ron and Cristina moved into my townhome when I was leaving for the Peace Corps and agreed to rent my place for the entire time I was away. They had to pack up all their furniture and belongings and move it all two feet next door!! Who does things like that??!? Ron and Cristina!

Since I have been here there have been countless cards, letters, and packages from Florida and Delaware. It always seems timely that when I'm struggling a bit here, I go into town and check for mail and one of you has sent something...never fails...Thank you so much.

Peace Corps has been very different than what I was expecting. In theory, it's an incredible organization. But as an older volunteer with more life experience than I care to mention, I would love to see some changes in the organization so we can better serve. Maybe when my time is up I will have a chance to express my thoughts on ways to improve. For right now I'm just doing my own version of PC and it's working for me. If I hadn't been able to reinvent my role here I'm sure I would be home by now...

The weather has finally broken with less heat and humidity. Bobby is planning a trip here around the end of October so it should be a little more reasonable for him to handle. He is flying into Cancun (cheaper) and because Bobby is not really big on long bus rides we may stay in the north part of this little country. I doubt we will get down here to my village. I'm so excited about him coming!!

Happy to report that I have treated 7 dogs to date with the medicine that you bought for them! THANK YOU!!! Blackie, Brownie, Sleepy, Mickey, Jake, Eddie, and Sophie!! I had taken the medicine to the neighboring village of Colombia to treat a dog that I had seen there on the steps of the church when I passed by on the bus into town. Unfortunately, I was 2 days late. Let's hope that's the last dog that dies while I'm here because of parasites and mange!!

Project update: Still waiting to hear if my PCPP project has made it out of the PC HDQTS in Washington, DC. Is so, some of you will be getting a packet in the mail asking for help. Anyone that would like to participate will be able to do so by visiting the website. (More info to follow) I also have another project where we are trying to raise money to intall trash receptacles and paint the primary school in the village. I know this may sound like a minimal project but as you know, trash breeds bacteria and disease. The school needs a facelift...mold, mildew and peeling, crusty paint.

Critter update: Yesterday, I place moth balls on the ledge where the bats sleep and this morning there was only one (usually there are 8 or more). Too early to say for sure but I'm hopeful this will take care of that problem. No scorpion or tarantula sightings this week. Pretty quiet on the western front...

Medical update: Add to the list--a rash on the back of my right leg. Nurse Jackie said it sounds like a fungal thing...not surprising with the humidity. Pretty itchy, red, raised, and crusty. Lovely!! Hormones in check. General appearance...old and saggy. Hey, it's fun getting old!! Ha Ha!!

Children update: Ashley learning and earning a lot in her job as a tax attorney in Vero Beach. Would prefer to be working for a larger firm with more professionals her age. She has been taking care of my little girl, 'Chunk', along with her two Maltese's. Needless to say, she stays very busy. Bobby and Nicole are considering moving to North Carolina early next year, hence the big reason he wants to come visit now. He will continue taking care of my Duchess until he leaves at which time I may have to ask Sally (she had volunteered) if she could take Duchy until my return. Aubrey is very busy working 12 hour shifts at the VA Hospital. She has trouble losing patients...takes it pretty hard. She and Jeff appear to be over...picking up the pieces and moving on. Still deciding on specific area she would like to pursue in her post grad studies for her nurse practioner license.

Relationship status: Beyond my furthest dreams...so happy about loving and being loved by this amazing man.

Guess that about wraps it up for now. Hope all is well with you. Hope the new tennis season brings lots of victories but more importantly, lots of good socialization afterwards. Don't think it will be on anyone's epitaph that they won or lost last week's match. Betty, can't wait for one of your incredible home cooked meals. Thought of Nay Nay (Denee) this week as Alabama slaughtered the Gators. Congratulations! Must be stressful right now in the Massie household with Alabama #1and Ohio State #2! I heard the Dolphins had a rough game on Monday Night Football. Ugh...and the Patriots, no less! Haven't heard anything about Pete's Jaguars but here's hoping it's ALL good. Wish Pete, Betty, and Katrin pocket aces when two ahead of you went all in and they share the 4 Kings! Hope my friends in the dental workplace are enjoying themselves and their jobs...hey, at least you have one!! Hope all is well at my bosses office--Kim, Joann, Sharon, Denise, and Wendy. Hope the economy is picking up so I might have a job when I get home??!!?? Eeeks! And to the Hilton Head trio--I love you and miss you more than you could imagine. I will NEVER take that trip for granted again!!

God bless us all...love, tracy

Sunday, September 26, 2010

NOT ordinary days in Peace Corps!!

We are allowed two nights 'out of site' at a time without it counting as annual leave. Unless, of course, there is a national holiday and then you can be gone 3 nights...

September is the month for national holidays here in Belize. I have heard people in my village say, 'I can't do this or that until October because of the holidays'. It seems like the whole month of September is one great big holiday with parades, patriotism, and parties. (Well, no parties in my village but yes, there was a parade!!) September 21st was their Independence Day and marked the 29th birthday of this small but proud country. It has been inspiring for me to see this level of patriotism and gratitude for a country that by anyone's standards back home has so very little. Here, however, they feel they have so much...

So with the extra day that I could take for the holiday, I decided to celebrate their Independence Day in a very non-Belizean way by playing in a free poker tournament in Belize City!!! Maybe this seems a bit irreverent but most of the entries in the tournament were Belizeans so I made a bunch of new friends. There were 73 entered...I ended up 15th. Certainly not in the money but had a great time. Thank you Pete and Betty and Bobby for your support here! I stayed at Jane's (fellow PCV) house and she was a most gracious hostess.

My third night of my personal September celebration, I traveled to Benque to visit Roger for one night. But it turned into three as we had a hurricane threat followed by a consolidation so I was told to stay in Benque until we got the 'all clear' message. What a bummer!! He is just so damn difficult to be around but I did my best to make the most of a challenging situation.

The point to all this rambling is...for the last 6 days and 5 nights I feel like I have been living in luxury. Both Jane and Roger have microwaves and washers. Roger has hot water in his shower while Jane has a walk-in closet with gobs of clothes--dress clothes at that! Both have couches, chairs, screens on the windows and music--through their computers with speakers! They have restaurants and grocery stores in their towns and cabs that can take you there if you don't want to walk. Jane even has cable TV and internet! And the biggest luxury of all, both have toilets that flush.

But traveling back to San Miguel, I find myself missing the bats that have made a nest in my home that I can't (try as I may) seem to scare away, the sightings of stinging scorpions and hairy tarantulas in all four corners of my abode, my humble furnishings of desk, table, and bed, and my latrine that I walk to in the middle of the night during torrential downpours. But mostly, all the sweet children that have become my friends that have texted me over and over wondering when I am coming home...

God bless us all...especially those little friends...tracy

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Happy September Birthdays!!

I would be terribly remiss if I didn't point out that some very special people have birthdays this month!! Happy Birthday Dino on the 11th, Betty on the 15th, and Katrine on the 20th!!

You all have been very special to me. Hope you have the happiest of birthdays and continued happiness throughout the year.

God bless us all...tracy

Monday, August 30, 2010

A Day in the Life of...






Today I got up at 5:30 am (woke at my usual 4:30) and had a little bowl of corn flakes with raisins and milk! Most people in the village can't have milk as they don't have refrigeration but I do and it makes me soooo appreciate cold items.

I headed over to my garden across the path from my home. I made the decision to abort the garden for now as the seedlings can't quite handle the torrential downpours in this rainforest. Some nights the rain on my zinc roof is deafening and although I love the sound of the downpours, I cringe knowing that across the path, my seedlings are probably washing away...so with a few exceptions, I will stop gardening until rainy season ends. I did have a bumper crop of a few vegetables, especially cucumbers. And I had planted an area for flowers and the Mexican sunflowers are doing a hat dance! But the average rainfall in the Toledo District is 160 inches/year... a little too much for most vegetables, I guess. The good news about the garden is that it has stimulated lots of interest here in the village and I've had several people ask me to help them start their own garden. Of course, I'll love that but I told them to wait until October. So those of you that sent seeds should know that they are being put to great use!! Nutrition in the village is severely lacking in fruits and vegetables. They live on chicken, rice and beans and tortillas for the most part. Could be the start of something good?

Next I went to a neighbor's house where I had been asked to help build a latrine. This morning from 8 am to noon we dug a hole about 3 ft square and 8 ft deep. None of the women participate in the digging as they are much too busy tending to the children and bathing, dishes, and laundry down at the river. The two men laughed and joked with me which was fun because the men pretty much keep to themselves here in the village other than at meetings. I felt like I kept up with my end of the digging—you know me, not a slacker. It's a tough job after about one foot down as the soil is hard clay and shale stone. And of course, the sun was blazing...my guess the heat index was well over 110. Ugh!

Came home at noon and took a cold shower! Remember I built my own shower in the kitchen? I'm so glad I did because I cool off in it at least 4x/day—some days much more!! Made myself an open faced chicken salad sandwich...homemade bread I made several days ago and chicken salad I made yesterday with celery, onions, green pepper, carrots and walnuts!! The vegetables in it were a real treat from the market last week and Sue Brown sent the walnuts a while ago. I've been rationing those for quite a while now. You savor every bite when you can't have this type of thing often. Every little piece of celery that fell onto my plate found its way to my stomach.

Read for a little while and drank lots of water. Then at 2 pm I headed up to the school where some children and I are working on making a map of the world on the school wall. Seems like a great learning experience for them. I quickly became aware of how little geography I know outside North America so it's a great learning experience for me, too!! I have a couple of pictures of the group and one picture of our feet because we are literally working in the mud...mas sule le beh! (the road is muddy—K'ekchi) This is a Peace Corps project that is done all over the world to give children a chance to see where they fit in the big picture...working together gives them a sense of community. All I know is that we are having fun. Most of the children left at around 4:30 as they have to go home and help with dinner preparations and with younger siblings. I stayed until I couldn't see anymore...nearly dark at 6:30 (no daylight savings here).

Came home and took another shower to wash away the sweat, paint, but mostly the mud. Had some leftover spaghetti sauce and made spaghetti and another slice of homemade bread. Plan to read a little bit more and hit the sack by 10. It's 9:15 now and the village has been asleep or at least very quiet since 7:30.

So that's my day today...not very exciting but certainly full. Maybe more gaps were bridged between the white lady and the villagers. I want to leave here and have them think that white people aren't so bad afterall...maybe even nice?!?

I almost forgot to tell you!! The reason why I started writing today was because I was finally stung by a scorpion! I have seen many here but have managed to remain intact until today. It was while I was with the men this morning so I had to 'act' brave like it was no big deal. But it's a pretty sharp sting...quite a bit worse than a bee sting and it makes your lips and tongue swell up and you feel like your whole mouth has been to the dentist!! Things are pretty normalized now other than my thumb which is still quite swollen. The mosquito and chigger bites are bothering me more now than the scorpion sting as I'm writing this... And while we're on the 'critters' subject, I have a nest of bats inside my house where I sleep. Thought I got rid of them last week but ...'They're Back!!' ...village life...

Today is my beautiful daughter's birthday. Please join me in wishing Ashley a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! She is 30!! Seems like yesterday when I brought her home just 4 hours after delivery...(what in the world was I thinking?) Thank God, we all have grown up. I love you ASHLEY!!! p.s. the rainbow is for you honey!

God bless us all...tracy

Friday, August 27, 2010

The Bad Story—You Ready?

I challenge you to take a journey with me to a deep, dark unfamiliar world where you lose your concept of reality. It is a journey as mystical and unexplainable as the fall and the obliteration of the Mayan empire. Void the mind if you can, void your preconceived notions about myth and magic and maybe you can appreciate this story that is REAL in my village.

A curse has swept through the village. 'It' came from the neighboring village of Silver Creek. Various households had been 'infected' but now it has left. All, except my host family's home. There, the children have been sick one right after the other. But it is staying at my old house and won't leave. A couple of the children have been sick, then got better, only to get sick again. My host mother who is a small lady anyways, has lost maybe 20 pounds in the last month. She weeps (which is uncustomary in this culture to show emotion). She looks ravaged with sadness and pain.

I visit over at their home and whoever is sick is being tended to by the rest of the family. Everyone is praying over them, the incense is burning, there is little light in the room, and no talking with only a whisper if necessary. The symptoms are obsessive sleep, difficulty breathing with the feeling that someone or something is choking them, and pain in their hearts like they are being stabbed. They speak in 'tongues' when wakeful and often appear delirious.

My host father asked to talk to me privately and I obliged. He and his wife believe this is a curse that has been introduced into the village and has left the village except for his home because someone is still 'cursing' them. Mayans can 'curse' one another which will cause ill fate or sickness, even death. This is usually done (I'm told) out of jealousy. Now the children are all so ill that he sought the help of a Guatemalen 'bush doctor' who has been in touch via telephone. They feel that this doctor is the only one that can bring health and happiness back to their family.

No matter what you are thinking now, this is real to this family. The doctor had told them last week that the children were very ill and if he weren't allowed to do his doctoring, he feared that someone would die and that one of the parents would become gravely ill and die also. He instructed my host dad to keep all the family in their home or their yard even if they were feeling better. He would start doing his 'work' from afar and my host father would soon see an improvement. My host dad would do anything for the health and happiness of his family. There has been improvement. Their beliefs are deeply rooted. This doctor is their lifeline.

The Guatemalen bush doctor wants $4000 BZ ($2000 US) for his services. He will be coming this Friday to do his work and expects to be paid at that time. My host father has managed to beg, borrow, and not steal from everyone he knows and has come up with almost $2000 BZ. He is afraid that because he only has half of the money, that the bush doctor will reverse the good that he has already done and the family will be cursed perhaps even more.

The whole family is distraught and begging for help. I have suggested a conventional doctor in a nearby town that practices conventional medicine combined with bush doctor medicine. But, they strongly believe that this Guatemalen doctor is the only one that can save them. Truth is that whatever they believe in WILL cure. I just wish I could convince them to 'believe' Plan B is worth a try. He understands that our culture doesn't believe in such things but told him that I understood how real this was for him.

My wish is that this Guatemalan doctor won't accept the 'pay on time' idea and that my host dad may be forced to consider Plan B. I know he will still give this bush doctor some money for the good that he has already done for the family and pray that he will not inflict sickness to his family in retaliation for the broken agreement.

I am asking you to send any love and compassion you may feel after reading this to my family that is suffering so. It is a heavy and difficult time.

I believe your thoughts and prayers will help as much as my family believes the bush doctor will cure.

God bless us all...love, tracy

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Good Story or Bad Story?

Recently, two very different but quite incredible stories have surfaced. You want the good one or the bad one first? I'll start with the good...

This past week in San Miguel, I had Mallory (one of the Peace Corps Volunteers) stay with me for the week while she worked with the RCP teachers here in San Miguel. (The Roving Caregivers Program is an educational program offered in remote villages to provide young children {8 mos-3 years} early childhood stimulation and teach some English so that the transition into primary school is smoother)

After we had both finished for the day on Tuesday, I decided to borrow a bike for Mallory and the two of us took off for 'Tiger Cave' . I had been taken to Tiger Cave by a local back in November and took Aubrey there when she visited at Christmas time.

It is not a tourist cave..in fact, it is pretty much all unbridled territory that few venture. One would NEVER find their way to the cave had they not been taken there and paid very close attention. Ask Aubrey...just getting there is an adventure (Not to mention a long bike hike!)

So Mallory and I set out and three dogs came with us...mine is Blackie and then there are two others that belong to the neighbors here but they spend all their time at my house. Their names are Mickey and Sleepy. I'm especially fond of Mickey.

We finally arrive dripping with perspiration (nothing new about that) The dogs drank from the river we had to traverse before finding the hidden path that leads to the entrance of the cave as we drank from our bottles. There was a tremendous drop in the temperature as we hiked along the path through jungle vegetation into the rainforest leading up to the cave. The cooler temperatures felt refreshing.

The whole time the three dogs were enjoying the adventure, running alongside our bikes on the way and now navigating through the difficult terrain approaching the mouth of the cave. Mallory is also loving the adventure.

I'm feeling rather gallant in my trailblazing prowess. Mallory, who is 23 years old and played Division I soccer, is impressed by the experience while keeping up with athletic ease. The five of us enter the cave.

We are immediately divebombed by bats that I'm sure aren't trying to hit us but several brush us as we duck and try to avoid the collisions. I lead her through narrow openings and climb treacherous rock. Treacherous because it is steep but also because of the dripping water in the cold, damp, dark cave making our footing quite slippery. The dogs decide they can't make it so they stop at one point and start howling for our return. Minutes later, they conquer their fear and now we are five again.

After spending nearly an hour negotiating through the cave, I decide we better start heading back. It will be dark in an hour and I am responsible for this young whippersnapper. The dogs are having a more difficult time going DOWN through the narrow crevices but manage with a little coaxing and gentle shoves. All except Sleepy. He decides he can't do it. We had experienced their reluctance many times already so we kept going knowing he would get over his fear and just come. Come on now...these are Mayan dogs in their element. We get out of the cave with Blackie and Mickey...still no Sleepy. We call for him and we just hear his howling.

I decide that we have to go back and try to get Sleepy. Just then, Mallory spots him up on a ledge that has to be 60 to 70 ft above us and off to the right. We go back inside the cave and try to climb to him. At one point, there's a tier that I don't think I can get up on. I ask Mallory to try and she is able. She gets close to Sleepy and tries to persuade him to come close enough so she can grab him and try to pull him. He is not budging. I attempt to get up upon the ledge and make it. I finally climb to Sleepy and am able to persuade him to come close enough that I can grab him and pull him down through the narrow crevice to a lower landing. Now it seems to us that it will be smooth sailing...

We get down to the next 'easier' pass through the rock and Mickey and Blackie manage fine. Sleepy freaks out and runs off and heads straight back up to the 70 foot high ledge. At this point, I'm frustrated, it's 5:31, going to be dark soon, and I know that Sleepy has seen how to get down the especially difficult pass. I tell Mallory that we need to go and that I'm sure Sleepy will find his way out.

We get out of the cave and look back and up and see Sleepy standing on the high ledge. He is howling. I call to him one last time but to no avail. We leave and return to San Miguel. I am feeling certain that he will be on my doorstep the next morning.

We wake up Wednesday morning and no Sleepy. Damn! I have to go into PG for a meeting at 10 so I catch the 7 am bus. Guilt is setting in. How could I abandon that dog? The cave is called 'Tiger Cave' because the legend is that a jaguar tried jumping from one high ledge (where Sleepy was) to another and missed and fell to his death the 60-70 feet below...right where we had been ducking from the bats... I envision Sleepy howling all night and drawing attention to himself from any one of the known predators...especially the jaguars...they could be feasting right now...

I arrive back in San Miguel on the 4 o'clock bus...I immediately ask Mallory is she would mind staying one extra night and that maybe tomorrow after 'work', we could go back to the cave and try to get Sleepy. She is good with that. I head over to my garden and Sleepy's owner walks over (never met him before) and asks if I had seen Sleepy since he knows how the dog is always over here?? “No, I've been in PG all day and haven't seen him”, I didn't lie. I felt that 'guilt' was written all over my face, though!

Thursday, after Mallory and I were both done with our 'duties', we headed back to the cave. Whereas I had left the cave two days ago KNOWING that Sleepy would manage to get out, now I'm fairly certain that since he has not returned, he is probably dead. I pack my backpack with provisions that would have made an Eagle Scout confident...rope, headlamps, matches, candles, tools for burying, tools for carrying, splints for mending, and Bob's hunting knife for the jaguar??? We talk the whole way there about scenarios we may encounter and what we do in each case. Finally, Mallory suggests that we talk about something else as she is mortified...good idea.

The ride there was fast...we were on a mission...the negotiating the trails leading to the cave was fast...we had purpose.. We approached the mouth of the cave and didn't hear a thing. All of a sudden, Sleepy must have heard us and he started his pathetic howl. He was ALIVE! He was still perched on the ledge up high. We entered the cave and climbed up to him. We were able to tie the rope around his neck and even though he resisted every inch of the way, Mallory was able to pull him down as I pushed him from behind. Once he was committed to the fall, his footing somehow miraculously became sure.

We were hoping that Sleepy would just run home ahead of us but no, he was glued to us. We lingered for hours to wait until dark so we would have less explaining to do when we approached the village. I rehearsed many alibis which Mallory told me were all totally unacceptable. I was only allowed one word answers.

We rode into San Miguel in the pitch black hoping to be unnoticed. Didn't happen. We get near my house and Sleepy's owner sees Sleepy and me and says, “Miss Tracy, Sleepy's back!” I heed Mallory's advice and say, “Yeah!” No more was said.

So Sleepy is alive and well and on a rope outside his home and I'm sure, 'forbidden' to visit Miss Tracy. For that matter, Mickey is roped up also which is something that you never see in the village. At night, the three dogs can be heard howling to one another about their adventure in the cave. Blackie and I are alone in the house wondering where all our friends are...

The story ended well in that no one was hurt and all the dogs returned safely. But with the already suspicious Mayan disposition, Miss Tracy is suspect. She was seen leaving the village on Tuesday with three dogs. She returned Tuesday with two. She leaves on Thursday with no dogs and returns Thursday with one.

P.S. She didn't ask the dogs to come along on Tuesday, they just followed the lady that loves them...

Bad story will be the next blog. You have read enough!

God bless us all...(animals, too)...tracy

Friday, July 23, 2010

Happy Birthday Brother, SKIP!!!

Happy Birthday to my big brother, Skip!! Most of you haven't met either of my brothers as they don't live too close to South Florida but I'd like to share a bit about my brother...

When I was in a body cast as an infant, my brother, Skip was the one to carry me around, play with his little sister, and drag her around in his wagon. This is in contrast to my brother, Bruce who when I was propped up against a wall would sneak when he thought no one was watching and tip me over so I landed face first on the floor (hence, my turned-up nose). I have no recollection of this time as it was from one month old to a little over two years old. My parents had filled me in on the kind of brother Skip and Bruce were. Skip was six when I was born...

About 26 years ago, Skip had a 'freak' accident while cleaning his sailboat (out of the water) when the mast hit a power line and nearly ended his life. The doctors didn't expect him to live and thought that if he did, he would be severely brain damaged. Three months in the burn unit at Jackson Memorial, skin grafts, and minus one leg, he came out of the experience spiritually stronger and perhaps, mentally stronger too. (Brother Bruce and I thought the electricity 'supercharged' those dormant brain cells!!) He has been an inspiration to us all and has also helped numerous limb amputees regain their zest for life.

He has been a loving father to his three beautiful daughters, Christi, Karri, and Alissa.

He even tried to be a father to my three after Bob died but that didn't go over so well. But now that everyone is grown up, my three children have such a new appreciation for their Uncle Skip. When I recently went home, he treated us all to dinner when we were in Jacksonville and the kids had a blast with him and thoroughly enjoyed his company. He is always quite humorous to say the least...

And I would not be here serving in the Peace Corps were it not for my brother Skip's help and support.

He is more of a dinosaur on the computer than I am...is that possible?!? So he probably won't read this but I sure hope my nieces fill him in...

Just let him know how much I appreciate him and how much I love him. Happy Birthday, Skipper!

God bless us all...tracy

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Happy 4th of July!!!!!!

Dear Friends and Family,

I have started writing this blog at least six times and have aborted each one...

I'm here in Punta Gorda as a bunch of PCV's from the Toledo district have decided to gather for a little 4th of July celebration BBQ this afternoon. There was a thunderstorm last night which cooled the air and cut the humidity. It's down to a mere 98 degrees and 70% humidity which leaves us at a heat index of 115 which is down from the previous week. And of course, no AC anywhere so no relief. (I think Florida summers will be a bit easier to take!)

I'm writing today because it's the 4th of July--truly a day to celebrate our country's independence. But in each of the previous attempts, I became too political and too polarized. This is precisely what I see as our big problem back home. Healthy debate is always good. Finger pointing, name calling, spin on top of spin for argument's sake is a detriment to the development of better ways of working together.

When I see how the people in Belize live and compare it with back home, I am struck by the accentuated contrast. Ten months ago, I saw this as poverty. But I have decided that poverty is more an attitude than a calculated measure of what you have versus what you don't have. The people in my village don't think they live in poverty...they have food, clothing, and a roof over their head. They have everything they need and they're happy. Belize is a beautiful mix of varied ethnicities. Their existence is as close to nature and spirit as the varied palms reaching towards the heavens.

I'm aware now that most of the world is more like Belize and the United States is in the minority of the few countries that are considered 'super powers'. So if Belizeans see themselves as rich and happy people, we need to take inventory of all our blessings in the United States. Let's start by seeing the good in the differences in each of us rather than that which divides us. You know, united we stand...

Happy 4th of July! God bless us all...tracy

Friday, June 25, 2010

Village Buses

At least once a week I ride the village bus into Punta Gorda town usually for groceries... On each village bus (which are 'retired' US school buses) there's the driver and a 'conductor'. The conductor's job is to assist passengers on and off the bus with their loads and the collection of bus fares.

The two conductors on the two village buses that service San Miguel strut identically. There's a certain cocky 'flare' as they walk down the center aisle collecting the fares. I can do an excellent imitation (I think) of their mannerisms but Greg (a fellow PCV in the neighboring village of Silver Creek) does it better. There's good reason for their 'strut'...they are among the few that have jobs with paychecks in Toledo. (The vast majority primarily live off the land) So it's really 'cool' to be a conductor.

I counted the number of stops my bus made this morning--42! The villagers wait at an area closest to their front door and it makes no nevermind if there is another person waiting a mere 15 to 20 feet away. Also, invariably, they wait on the upslope of a hill...I think it might make good mechanical sense if they caught the bus at the top or the downslope?? The bus slips a bit back down the hill until the gears engage and the engine STRAINS...mechanics must have plenty of work here.

There are two people generally to a seat (although I've seen moms with their 5 children all sitting together--6 total!!) I'm usually one of the first ones to load as I am at the beginning of the route (p.s. I wait on the downslope) So there's always a empty seat next to me. That spot is usually the last to fill--clearly, I'm not a desireable seatmate!! Children and some of the younger Mayan ladies are the exception daring to sit with the White Lady.

Today, a beautiful young Mayan lady CHOSE to sit next to me eventhough there were plenty of empty seats. She took her seat without a word, glance lowered, but a hint of a slight smile. After several minutes I asked her where she was going (some get off at neighboring villages) and she answered "PG". A bit later I told her she was a BEAUTIFUL girl. She giggled softly, covering her mouth, and still looking downward...definitely NO eye contact.

Next, I asked her if she was married (appeared to be about 20 or 21 which is old NOT to be married here). She answered, "no", and I blurted out without much thought, "well, good for you!" With that she giggled a little more, hand still covering her smile. A few minutes later, a group of three young Mayan men boarded the bus and I commented that the one was really cute. More giggles...Then one got on that I said was too skinny and another one was too short. By now, she is almost laughing out loud, head raised and looking RIGHT at me!! (I'm sure she was thinking, what a weirdo I was??) but nonetheless, I KNOW she was enjoying her ride to town.

On the rest of our ride to PG, her whole posture had changed...her glance was no longer downward and the smile had become unleashed. Apparently, when it comes to the 'mating game', there are no differences in age, ethnicities, and no borders that divide us...we are ALL sisters...

God bless us all...tracy

Monday, June 14, 2010

Doggie Dilemma

I have wanted to serve in the Peace Corps since I first heard about its inception when I was only seven years old. It has been hard to find the window of time in my life when it would work for myself and my family as most of you know 'my story'... When I left in August, I thought I had most of my 'business' attended to...house rented, car sold, possessions sold or given away, money saved for Aubrey's last year of undergraduate education, not to mention all the fun paperwork involved in packing up one's life and moving to a third world country... It was especially hard to leave my two dogs because as you know, I'm a HUGE dog lover and Duchess and Chunk are like my best friends...but I thought I had all the particulars worked out with them so I took the leap of faith and pursued my dream...

ONE BIG PROBLEM...The initial plan with the dogs did not work out and then the dogs were bounced from Aubrey, to Ashley, and then to Bobby. I appreciate their help but it is impossible for Aubrey to care for them with her 12 hour shifts. Ashley and Bobby already have two of their own and four has been a hardship. Right now, Ashley has been caring for Chunk and Bobby has Duchess. But Duchess has a bladder stone that needs a special 'canned food' diet and frequent trips outside. Poor thing, I guess it's all part of getting older for my sweetheart.

If there is anyone out there that might be able to care for one of my dogs for the remainder of the time while I'm here in the Peace Corps, please contact me through my email or comment on this blog. They are both loving, kind, and affectionate Maltese that sorely miss their mom (I miss them too)

I want to stand strong in pursuing my ultimate dream of service with the Peace Corps but this situation has reached a critical point and I may have to leave. I will pray for resolution...

God bless us all...

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Lots of Little Updates











My host mom made a dress for me like all the women wear in the village. It certainly was an 'icebreaker' for the shy Mayan ladies. Even THEY were quick to tell me how much they liked me in my new dress!

Last week was the swearing in of the new volunteers. I thought our group was cohesive and enthusiastic but this new group of 36 is amazing! Zack delivered an inspiring speech that elevated me right out of my seat. He made me excited about getting back to my village of San Miguel. (Pictured is Jane and myself after swearing in--she is a new volunteer that Kerry from Murray Ct. knows!!)

I'm almost finished with the inventory of books in the principal's office...

Today I helped another neighbor build his 'new' latrine. That is ALWAYS a job. One of my goals here is to see that every village home has their own latrine. I believe there are 3 or 4 more to go...

I have been working on my garden and planting many of the seeds you have sent. (By the way, your seeds have found their way all over this little country in village and school gardens--thank you, thank you!) It's rainy season so I'm not sure how successful I'll be this time of year. When it rains, it's a deluge and often the seeds get washed away. I'm not giving up though. The men in San Miguel have their farms that they ride to every morning--usually about 3-5 miles out of the village. There, they grow predominantly corn and beans. No one in the village (except me)has a garden. I am trying to generate interest by working in my garden. Passerbys have inquired as to what I'm trying to grow, etc. There is 'food security' in San Miguel as no one goes hungry. But the diet lacks variance and balance. Every meal is either chicken, eggs, or fish with rice and beans and tortillas. Fruits are eaten only when in season and growing on one's property. Otherewise, there aren't fruits and vegetables unless you can afford to go into Punta Gorda on market days and buy from the vendors. I'm hoping my garden will 'open doors' for discussion on nutrition and healthier diets and maybe gardens of their own! No Einstein needed here to see that diet plays a HUGE role in Belize with the high incidence of high bllod pressure, diabetes, and premature death.

The PCPP grant proposal is still in Peace Corps Belize's office. Most of you know about the playground that we want to build here in San Miguel. After the proposal gets approved here, it will be sent to the main office in Washington, DC. At that point, I'll write more concerning the project as many of you have indicated interest in helping out...thank you so much.

They are anticipating a busy hurricane season--sure you all know that better than I do. I am one of the 'wardens' for the group of volunteers in Toledo. Wardens make sure PCV's get the message to evacuate and consolidate in the event of a storm. The problem is that in most of Toledo, PCV's have no cell phone service, no village 'community phone', and infrequent bus service. I have visions of mounting my neighbor's horse (pictured) and playing Paul Revere. Should be interesting...

Last picture is a new cat that has found his way into my house (along with the chickens, rooster, rabbits, and Blackie. I have put my foot down when the pigs try to come through!!) Word must be out in the animal community that the white lady has food...

All is well...God bless us all...love, tracy

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

No Place Like Home!

Toto! I don't think we're in Kansas anymore!

I'm reflecting on whether it was more of a culture shock to arrive back in the states or when I returned to Belize via Mexico...not sure...

It was so wonderful to arrive in Florida. It took me 19 hours to get to Cancun from Punta Gorda and only an hour and twenty minutes to fly to Orlando...wow! When I first stepped foot in Orlando, the thought occurred to me to kiss the ground of our wonderful country but thought I might create a 'people traffic jam' as the crowd was busy scurrying along. So I didn't. Everything looked so squeaky clean and shiny.

It was absolute heaven to spend quiet time with Ashley, Bobby, and Aubrey. After Aubrey's graduation and Sue Brown's visit, we had the pleasure of being able to use Kim and Joann's place in North Carolina for several days where we all reconnected...very little TV, no cell phones, no computer... We hiked in the mountain fresh air and made a fire in the fireplace. Just two days earlier, I had left temperatures in the 110 degree range...a nice and welcomed change.

We came back to Jupiter and had a chance to visit with many dear friends. Thank you all for your hospitality and generosity with all the dinner tabs. Really feel like your poor and indigent friend but I guess there's much truth to that!! Rich in friendships, however. I feel so blessed.

Back to the village and life as usual. This felt like coming home again...somewhat odd. It is such a different culture but much to be said about the uncomplicated existence. So poor but very few worries. That very idea has been one of my main challenges. Just sooo used to being busy in the States that this slowed-up pace has been a foreign concept.

Thank you all for a wonderful visit home...my welcome mat is always out if any of you care to venture...I think Carlene and Katrin might do it!!!

God bless us all...tracy

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Hormones

Hormones are a funny thing. I always thought that since I was fortunate to never suffer from PMS and that my three pregnancies were the happiest times in my life, that menopause would ease on in and ease on out. Not so...

I guess menopause isn't 'official' until you haven't had your period in over one year. I think I am pretty darn old (56) for not being officially in menopause. Before I left for the Peace Corps, I had been noticing some subtle changes with all that wonderful stuff...missing a few, lighter, and I was either sweating profusely on the tennis court cause I was hot and trying so hard OR enjoying the wonderful experience of hot flashes.

But after I was here and hanging with all these young people (over half are right out of college and another 3/8 are under 30), my body got confused and thought it was young again. I started becoming super regular and NO menopausal symptoms at all... until November. Then my body came to its senses and said, “Woman, you ARE old!” No menses until February.

Felt fine until February and then started having severe mood issues. I initially chalked it up to dealing with my new life here in the Peace Corps. But there were a few days where I thought I wanted to kill someone! I mean to tell you, I was feeling like I was having an 'out-of-body' experience. I did not recognize WHO this 'other' person was but I can tell you, she wasn't very nice and I didn't like her ONE bit. On Friday, the 19th of February, I couldn't stop sobbing. Thank God for Erica who was patient, understanding, and sympathetic. She called Roger because she was so concerned about me and he then made the long bus ride down on that Saturday. By Saturday, I was coming around but of course, it was great to see him. And there couldn't be a kinder, more compassionate man on the planet. But I still wasn't thinking any of this was hormonal til Sunday when you know what arrived... and stayed heavy for over two weeks.

Ok, now it was making sense. I talked to our resident medical staff to get some help. I wanted the people in Belize to be safe from this deranged lunatic on the loose. The 'front line' artillery employed was low-dose estrogen. I'm happy to report that after 29 days on this hormone, I feel great again. Hopefully I won't need this too long. But for now, the people of Belize can rest safe at night.

There are enough challenges here without throwing menopause into the mix...

Coming home soon for Aubrey's graduation...can't wait to see Ashley, Bobby, Nicole, Jeff, and Aubs and my wonderful, kind, and supportive friends. And you're SAFE! Ha Ha!!!!

God bless us all... tracy

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Lacey

It seems like all my life I have wanted to serve in the Peace Corps. Mostly, it seemed like a good way to give back to the planet after years of being consumed with my own stuff—myself, my family, my work, my friends. ME. Now it would be about others...

The window of opportunity never opened during younger years. After college, I needed to work to support myself. Then I got married and had children. It wasn't until now when the children had graduated from college, established themselves, and become self-reliant that I considered Peace Corps as a viable option.

Ashley is doing extremely well and learning a lot this first year as a tax attorney with an estate planning firm in Vero Beach. Bobby continues to pursue his dream of 'professional poker' having recently won a few dollars coming in first in two large tournaments. Then there is Aubrey...

Aubrey still had another year of nursing school ahead of her when I left. I had saved so that I could cover the bulk of her expenses during this year. She has worked diligently to supplement the 'kitty' to make ends meet. But she has needed more than financial support... (Don't we all?)

Thank God for the many nurses, professors, and mentors at the University of Florida and the VA Hospital that have impacted Aubrey in a huge way. These people have helped teach, shape and support my daughter, especially in my absence. They have provided Aubrey with tremendous moral and emotional support. I am forever grateful.

This blog is dedicated to all the nurses out there...the REAL selfless people... a wonderful blend of heart, body, and soul. Lacey, Aubrey's preceptor, epitomizes the caring individual that lives her life selflessly. Lacey has been a wonderful role model and friend for my daughter. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I am humbled when I think how nurses live their entire lives the way they do....not just a mere clump of months like I'm trying to do...

Today is Aubrey's birthday! No gifts from mom...but Aubrey understands the greatest gifts are those from the heart. You are loved by many, dear. Those relationships are your gifts.

I love you honey...I am so proud of your accomplishments...And a very, very Happy Birthday!

God bless us all...love, tracy

Thursday, April 8, 2010

'White Lady'

I learned a term, quite by accident, when I first moved to San Miguel. I was living with my host family, Sebastian and Juvena Pop and their seven lovely children. I heard the words, 'shan shaq', and then some giggles. I had asked what this meant and why they were laughing. Shan shaq meant 'white lady' in K'ekchi and of course that was me and I guess I'm funny. I was not supposed to know this as it is an inside derogatory reference to this 'odd' person now living in their village.

I am different...in every sense. I stand taller than all the women (by a mile) and most of the men. I do some 'jobs' that are normally for the men only...like construction of latrines and building pig pens. And since I ran a water source inside my 'house', I don't need to bathe in the river which is a ½ mile walk. I can take a shower in the privacy of my own 'kitchen'. I greet people on the road and sometimes I hug the children. But mostly it's the unusual color of my skin—horrid in comparison to their smooth and creamy flawless deep beige.

Yesterday I was riding my bike on the gravel road. I ran into Sebastian and we chatted for quite a while. Yesterday, on Easter, 'Bingo', their wonderful dog, had been hit by the bus and killed instantly. I asked if the children cried as they were all together making the long walk from the farm and witnessed the incident. “No”, he said. But they all had said it was a good thing that I wasn't with them as they know what I would have done... I loved Bingo.

I stopped and chatted with three other neighbors...one of whom invited me inside and fed me lunch.

But I am writing this 'story' to relay this next encounter that really touched me...

My next stop was at one of the village 'shops' for a loaf of bread. The two daughters in the family were playing with their two girl cousins that were visiting from Belmopan for the Easter holiday. (Children have two weeks off school). The visiting cousins were 6 and 8 years old. After sitting with them and chatting for nearly an hour, the younger girl who was nuzzled up close to me looked up with her big brown eyes and sweetest demure smile and said, “We don't like 'white people'.” I asked why not? She thought for a few seconds and said, “I think we are afraid”. I then asked her if she felt afraid of me? “No”, was her response. (Remember, this child is six years old.)

“When I go to church and the priest talks about how Jesus loves me, I feel my heart inside of me pounding like this”, and she placed her tiny hand on her chest and patted herself. “Right now, I feel that same pounding in my heart”, and she reached for my hand to hold it. “I won't be afraid of white people anymore”, she said with assurance.

“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen, nor touched...but are felt in the heart”—Helen Keller

An ancient Mayan wall within this tiny person came tumbling down.

God bless us all...love, tracy P.S. Happy Birthday tomorrow to Sue Beale and congrats on hole-in-one!

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

'Blackie'

There's this dog that I guess came with the house I live in in San Miguel. Homes in the states come with varying amenities...homes here in San Miguel come with mangy dogs with parasites.

So I injected this dog twice with some medicine that the hardware store provided for me ($1.50 BZ) back in November. He started looking great! But recently the mange came back and he's losing weight but this time he won't let me inject him—dogs DO remember! (I'll have to work on this problem?!?)

The dogs here are treated so poorly. I guess people have them mostly to serve as watchdogs. They are kicked by every member of the family and not fed (except at my old host family's home where they gave Bones and Bingo tablescraps). I'm certain Blackie is the only dog in the village that eats dog food AND table scraps.

With Blackie's mange, it is not too appetizing to pet him barehanded so I put on my garden gloves and he 'eats up' the attention. Of course, I greet him every morning as he sleeps right outside my door. I don't 'give' like I would to my own dogs...guess I really haven't claimed him yet and I feel bad about that...

This past Saturday I planned on visiting two peace corps friends in Dangriga (3 hour bus ride away). I decided to catch the bus at the junction of the highway which is about a 5-6 mile trek to the road. I started off on my bike and Blackie was following. The sun was intense so the sweat was profuse as I pedaled up and down the very hilly rocky road. Blackie kept stride. A couple of times I told him to go home but he must only understand K'ekchi... he kept following. We finally arrived at the junction and I took my bike to this family I have befriended that has been kind enough to store it when I take these jaunts. Blackie came into their house and plopped down on the cool concrete. Avelina asked if he was my dog? “No, but he thinks he is!”

The bus was due to reach the junction in about ten minutes. I walked across the road, Blackie followed. There isn't an ounce of civilization for miles in any direction other than Avelina and Jorge's home. About two miles down the road, I see the northbound bus approaching. I do the customary hand signal that indicates I want a ride. The bus slows and I get on. I find a seat quickly but stay standing as I want to see that Blackie crosses the road heading back to San Miguel.

NO! He is sprinting after the bus. I sit down and ponder...

This dog gets so very little and yet is so loving and loyal. The children in San Miguel get so little and yet they are loving to their siblings and dutiful to their parents. There are no toys here, there are no gifts, and there's no recreation. But the responsibility they own for their little brother or sister's comfort or safety is something I witness on a daily basis. (I just looked out my window and saw two neighbor girls, ages 7 and 8, walking back from the river with huge bowls of dishes on their heads that they just washed and holding hands with a younger sibling).

I know we all mean well when we give our children so many THINGS back home. They may lose sight of what's really important like building character or relationships. They might miss opportunities to impact other lives in a positive way or to reach out to their siblings. Their lives can sometimes turn inward and in the process become lost and lonely. Maybe we're doing them a disservice by providing so much that they can't value what is truly important...I don't know...

I came back on Monday and Blackie was lying by my door... such a good dog...

God bless us all... love, tracy

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Thanks for your interest! You're the best!

FIVE of you sent me emails telling me about the recent article in the local paper back home and wanted to know more! Thank you so much for keeping abreast of the happenings here and wanting to share in this Peace Corps endeavor...

There is an organization in Belize (also in West Indies islands like Jamaica) called the Remote Caregivers Program. The RCP's mission is to provide the very young children (ages 8 mos to 3 yrs) in remote villages an opportunity for early learning. There are 4 RCP teachers in my village of San Miguel. They go to the homes where there are young children and teach colors, numbers, the alphabet...mostly through songs! I think the REAL benefit of their teaching is the familiarization with the English language. K'ekchi is spoken exclusively in these homes and yet when the children start pre-school, the lessons are taught in English. This introduction to the English language eases that transition from home to school for the 3-4 yr. olds. My host sister, Yadira, 2, was one of these students so I was able to witness the lessons first hand (twice a week). The stimulation was evident as Yadira was thriving!

About two months ago, one of the RCP teachers approached me and wanted to know if I could help them build a playground in San Miguel. The children have no place to play and recreation is a foreign concept (as are toys and games) I thought this was a great idea so we started with meetings to find out just what their 'vision' was and how we would finance this. (As you know, no one in the village gets a paycheck, it's all sustenance farming to provide food for their families...so funding from the inside is an impossibility) We have drawings in place and estimates of lumber and materials. This country seems so upside down to me as it is so poor and yet costs (like lumber) are so incredibly high...looks like just over $4000 BZ ($2000 US).

I applied for a 'Kids to Kids' grant and was successful ($500 US) That is what you read about in the newspaper. Now I'm working on a PCPP grant (Peace Corps Partnership Program) where anyone has the opportunity to read what Peace Corps is trying to do all over the world and can choose to donate if the spirit moves them to do so. Once I've applied, I will let you know and if anyone would like to contribute, they can do so privately online and the funds will go directly to the project. The only catch is...if we fall short of the projected amount, the funds go into a 'kitty' that is used for general projects and not OURS.

Thank you all for your interest. I will let you know when the PCPP application has been posted on the PC website. It's yummy food for my soul to know so many of you are sharing this Peace Corps experience with me. We are all volunteers trying to promote better world relations and peace.

God bless us all...tracy

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Happy Birthday Sue Brown (from Mexico!)

Happy Birthday Sue! I called you yesterday from Belize City en route to meet Aubrey in Cozumel today but was just winging it and you questioned the wisdom of that!

Thursday, I took the bus from Punta Gorda up to Benque and stayed the night with Roger. That was a 6 1-2 hour bus ride. Friday morning (Sue´s birthday) I left Benque and traveled east to Belize City (bus was 4 hours). Waited half hour and got on another bus heading north through Orange Walk on to Corozol and supposedly, Chetemal (which is just inside of Mexico). Come to find out that if you reach the border after 5 pm you have to get off the bus and walk across, go through immigration, and then take a cab to Chetemal. (Oh yes, the bus ride from Belize City to Corozol was 3 hours). So I´m walking across the bridge and texting Ashley and get to the other side and no more cell service in Mexico. Take the cab to Chetemal...cabbie no habla ingles and I don´t speak much Spanish but we manage. Get to the bus terminal in Chetemal and wait 3 hours for a bus leaving at 1030 and arrives in Playa Del Carmen (on the mainland opposite Cozumel) at 230 am. Doesn´t seem to make sense to get a room so I am the ONLY person in the bus terminal at 230...it´s freezing in there and I have no warm clothes. I ask an attendant there if ...si es posible, puedo dormir alla? (If possible, can I sleep over there?) Si. He lets me lay down on the floor behind a partition where I cover my whole body with clothes from my bag and bury my head in them to generate some heat. So the next time you see a bag lady or other indigent, be kind...it could be your old friend!!! I must have dozed some because at 530, I hear, senorita, tiene que salir. (Maam, you have to leave). I walk 6 blocks down and 4 blocks over and get to the area where at 8am I can ride the water taxi over to Cozumel. That was a 45 minute boat ride. Finally arrive in Cozumel to find out that where the cruise ships are is a taxi ride away. Get to the port and realize that Aubrey never told me which boat she was on so I´m wondering now if I´ll be able to see her at all. Lucky for both of us, she has my innate sense of sensing gpa´s. I get off the taxi, walk maybe 29 yards and there she is. Thank God! And thank God, I love her so much cause now I´m back in Playa Del Carmen, waiting til 1235 am to ride the 4 hour ride to Chetemal and then catch the 6 am bus from Chetemal to Belize City. Then, 5 hours back to Punta Gorda. So this is from Playa del Carmen, exhausted, no reading glasses so I´ll apologize ahead of time for errors! I´m dead tired but Playa del Carmen is awesome. Actually, all of Mexico seems awesome after Belize...just feel out of touch with no service. And blessed to have seen my little girl.

Moral of this whole story is my insanity is now confirmed and Sue Brown is always right! Hope you had fun at Darlene´s and Happy, happy birthday!

God bless us all...tracy

Friday, February 26, 2010

GOOD LUCK JEFF!


Aubrey sent me a text on Saturday that said, “I miss you mom, it's baseball season, it's 2010 and I miss you”...

I felt so far away as I heard the Olympics were on and that the United States was faring well, especially for us in the WINTER Olympics! I'm so out of touch with what is happening in the world; just trust that someone will let me know if anything major occurs. Ashley keeps me updated on some political issues and Bobby is great with the sports...

But the boys of summer ARE back and that IS cause for celebration! In our family, it has been a good bit of the 'glue'. Some of you know that when Bob knew he was dying, the ONLY time he cried was when he looked over at Bobby playing beside the bed (Bobby was a little over 2 years old) and said “I'll never be able to teach him how to fish and play baseball”. At that moment, I knew that baseball (and fishing) would be a big part of our lives.

I loved baseball as a kid and some of my favorite childhood memories were going to the games with my dad. Time with dad was the best...and baseball sealed the deal. I lost some love for the game in 1971 when the Washington Senators left DC to become the Texas Rangers. I took it personally and took a hiatus from baseball for several years just to show them!

But later, living in South Florida when the children were little, was a great opportunity to introduce them to the game up close and personal. Most of you know what happened next with all the connections with baseball, most notably, David Justice. David had taken a personal interest in Bobby and treated him like a son. Some of you know that Bobby once did an interview with the Japanese version of ESPN posing as the son of a Major League Scout discussing the virtues of the Japanese work ethic in baseball! Or when he somehow found himself in the locker room over at Roger Dean with Mark McGuire and friends talking about fishing in the Everglades!

Bobby went on to have an illustrious high school baseball career playing centerfield with South Fork High School with ZERO fielding errors until one game in the State Championships. Bobby tried to play baseball his freshman year at the University of North Florida under Coach Dusty Rhodes but discovered that his smaller size was more than a bit of a detriment. But his love remained and his sisters that had no choice but to love the game were forever hooked.

Most of you know the Jeff Allison story...1st round draft pick of the Marlins in 2003 and then a skid with destiny that almost took his life. Jeff bravely has added another year of sobriety to his long list of accomplishments and is ready to start Spring Training, 2010. He feels good about the season, is physically and mentally ready, and thinks this could be the year. As you all know, I love Jeff like my second son. I'm counting on Katrin, Tara, Carol Pahl and Professor to head over to the park and show their support. Jeff has promised to fly me out of Belize and to whatever MLB park if he gets THE CALL to start in the bigs. That sound incredibly wonderful to me!!

The picture is my desk in my humble abode in San Miguel with my interesting wall decorations. Yes, baseball reminds me of so many happy times back home. It is the one constant in America...it reminds of us of all that was good in our childhoods. It bridges gaps, tears down walls, and links sons to their fathers they never knew.

So go to Roger Dean. Stand proud as you hear my good friend and neighbor, Cristina belt out the most beautiful rendition of our National Anthem. Put up your feet, down a beer, and root, root, root for the home team. And if they don't win, who cares? You are there enjoying your youth and everything that is good in your life.

Best of luck, Jeff. I'm behind you 100%. PLAY BALL!!

God bless us all!!

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Who this Peace Corps experience is really for???

The driving force behind my decision to join the Peace Corps was one of a desire to do my small part to make this world a better place. I didn't really know how that would come about but I trusted that if I put myself 'out there', the powers of the universe would show me the way. So far, I feel like I'm still on the outside looking in and the path is hazy to say the least!?!

What have I learned so far? Belize is a very diverse country with a diverse people. The cultures vary as far as the spectrum can arc. The Mestizo's (Spanish) and the Garifuna (African slave refugees that ended up in Jamaica and then here) know how to party! Their life seems relatively uncomplicated, not terribly motivated, love music and dance and tend to inbibe repeatedly and incessantlly! In sharp constrast are the Mayans—whether Mopan or K'ekchi. Their life is arduous, purposeful, and somber. They tend to marry young and have large families. There are no toys, no recreation, music from the churches only, and no dance. Individually, I can sometimes see a glimpse of humor and/or levity but as a group they are ALL rote. The men work on their farms, not for a salary, but to feed their family. So all their food is straight from their farms and the surrounding land. This explains why, when I made them some chocolate chip cookies that they eyed the cookie curiously and reluctantly before they tried one, then two, then three!!! The women bust their butts to wash, cook, clean, and take care of the large family. The children learn these same practices at very early ages so they will be ready for adulthood by the time they're 14. The country as a whole is extremely impoverished. It appears to me that the more educated people have an idea of the world 'outside Belize' and greatly desire Belize to make strides with infrastructure advancement. But most seem oblivious to the outside world and would just as soon stay just as they are...it seems to me reminiscent of our American Indian! Therein lies the problem...no motivation to improve themselves. Sometimes I can see the advantages of staying just as they are...certainly within their dying Mayan culture. Can you imagine my challenge here? We don't help where we see 'issues' but where they want changes. And basically, they like it just the way it is!! So each individual day, I accomplish terribly difficult tasks like helping a mom hull her corn, teaching a child a new card game, or helping an elder walk up the hilly road... Hazy path, indeed!

I have learned that my life back home was easy and wasteful. If you could see how these people live you would thank God (or whoever you believe in) that you were born or live in our country. The ONLY problem is sometimes we don't know it until we live here totally engulfed in a entirely different culture and experience these adverse conditions. My hair is falling out by the handfuls (thank goodness I had lots to start with!), my skin is saggy from weight loss and dehydration, and I believe my eyes have lost their sparkle...(don't know for sure since it's been months since I've looked at a mirror). But if I left here tomorrow, my life has been made richer for the experience. I know I will live my remaining days on this planet in total gratitude. I am so thankful to my children and my friends for making life so enjoyable and my only regret is that I don't believe I've taken adequate time and energy to let you know how much I appreciate you. I hope you will forgive me.

Last week, while in Belmopan for our All Volunteer Conference, I had occasion to do two things that were REALLY important in my life before Peace Corps. I picked up a tennis racquet for the first time in 7 or 8 months and I played in a poker tournament. With borrowed tennis shoes and racquet, I hit against another volunteer at the American Embassy. I was terribly rusty and felt clutsy not to mention, hot and sweaty. But just to have the opportunity was a real treat. Then Saturday, Bobby had paid for a buy-in to a satellite poker tournament in Belize City for a $2500 buy-in in March. I was afraid that I might have forgotten how to play but it basically came back to me. Best hand I had all afternoon was pocket 8's and I misplayed that one badly. Thought I was ahead (and I was) until the river but couldn't get him to fold. I'm sure Bobby would have played just about every hand I had differently...ended up 16th out of 42 (not great) and certainly not good enough to win one of the six seats they gave away. What did strike me at the tournament was how careless everyone played. My Peace Corps mindset of no waste and deliberate and calculative spending does not blend homogeneously with the mentality of a poker game where a reckless lifestyle is an advantage. I hope to play tennis again but believe it's best to leave poker alone for now. But, thank you Bobby for your generosity that gave me that opportunity to learn that lesson.

I have been writing this blog in the community center of San Miguel waiting for some 'moms' to show up. There are a group of American dentists coming to the neighboring village of Columbia (only 3 miles away) on February 27 and 28. I have done two dental presentations in each of the classrooms, done a limited screening on all 183 students with a note sent home to the parents, succeeded in getting the teachers to have students brush their teeth at school after lunch, and put up flyers at all the 'shops' in the village asking parents to become involved with their child's dental health by coming today from 1-4 to discuss their individual child's status. The general state of dental health here is alarming and needs desperate attention. Again, my thoughts and not theirs! It's almost 4 and not one parent... such a HAZY PATH!!

I have learned lessons here and I attempt to pass them on to you... that's the only crystal clear path right now...the Belizean/Hodson path remains hazy!

God bless us all!

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Happy Valentine's Day!!

Last week we had our all volunteer conference in Belmopan. The second year PCVs joined our group of 40! (Soon 40 more will arrive on March 25 and we won't be the rookies!) In fact, neighbor Kerry, on Murray Ct. knows one of the incoming volunteers and we have been emailing--JANE! Looking forward to meeting her.

There has been a fair amount of travel lately with the conference and our second round of language training. I think K'ekchi might be the hardest language on the planet!! (But what do I know?...just English!!)

Returning to San Miguel at this point is met with mixed reviews. I'm anxious to help--to make a difference--to improve quality--to be a friend! They have had the same type of life for hundreds of years and have a certain acceptance of that. Sometimes, even though they requested a Peace Corps volunteer, I'm not sure what they are willing to do on their end to facilitate improvement. Peace Corps is definitely a partnership idea. We don't come in and change for change sake, rather work together so that they OWN their projects. I'm currently working on plans for the playground. This is mostly intended for the wee little ones so there's some 'early childhood stimulation'. Even though this may sound like 'child's play' to you, it would be HUGE if these people would allow themselves (or their children) to just play a little. It truly is a hard and serious life for all of them.

My host sister, Luisa, who is 16 is getting married on February 28. She recently dropped out of school with only a year and a half til graduation. The groom's parents came over on 3 different occassions to 'engage' their son to Luisa. Luisa is happy to be getting married and begin her married life of cooking, cleaning in the river, and being a dutiful wife...different culture for sure! I hope to be in attendance for the wedding. It happens to be on the same day that some US dentists are coming to the neighboring village and I will be helping???

I hope all of you have a happy valentine's day! It's not about the flowers and the chocolates, is it?

Until next time, God bless us all! tracy

Sunday, January 24, 2010

I've got the "Aubrey's Gone" Blues!!

I apologize that I haven't made an entry in sooo long! There was so much anticipation waiting for Aubrey to show up on the 18th of December and then we had a fabulous time and then she left. Of course, it was so wonderful to have her here for Christmas and I wouldn't change a thing other than pray for all of them to come next Christmas but man, did I get down in the dumps after she left...

They (Peace Corps) tells us that we cycle through highs and lows and that the 5-6 month point is one of the most difficult. Hopefully this was the worst of it as I felt extremely lonesome and was struggling with just what it is I'm supposed to do... Feeling much better now after the reunion of our training group for more K'ekchi language training 3 days last week. Those young kids are really a shot in the arm and many of them shared similiar feelings ( or so they said to make me feel better). I've always enjoyed a very close relationship with my children as most of you know. Being away is HARD! But I had to re-examine why it was that I wanted to serve and THAT got me back on track...

Life in San Miguel is improving, I think. I have lots of acquaintances here...mostly neighbors that smile and greet me each day. I have been doing dental health workshops in the primary school and the children seem to be brushing their teeth. It's really easy to tell bc they all just do it out in their yard... or not! I have been working on a proposal to try to get a playground for the children here as there is no recreation whatsoever. That will take time. A year?

One of the things that got me down is the doggie situation. I guess the word is out in the dog community that the white lady will take care of them even when they are dying. I had three dogs in one week show up and die on my front porch. The first one was breathing hard. I petted her and gave her some water and she drank...went inside to change clothes and came out and she was dead. The second one did a lot of crying for two nights and then was dead in the morning. Third, pretty much the same sad story. At first this bothered me and of course, I was sad. Now I'm trying to see the 'good' in it and there's alot. These dogs know they are sick and dying...but they choose to spend their last hours in my company. I'm honored. P.S. The dog that sort of came with my house (Blackie) WAS sickly--mangey and parasites. I injected him twice in December and now he has gained weight and his hair has filled in! Looks terrific. Today I took a bike ride and he ran along the bike for several miles...good dog! They just crave affection and that's unheard of here (except the white lady!!!)

So things are looking up! I'll try to keep you better informed. I just miss you ALL alot. Thanks especially to Sue Brown who is such a die-hard friend. I've always known this but she never stops amazing me with her persistent support. Love you all!

Til next time, God bless us all... tracy