Hormones

Hormones are a funny thing. I always thought that since I was fortunate to never suffer from PMS and that my three pregnancies were the happiest times in my life, that menopause would ease on in and ease on out. Not so...

I guess menopause isn't 'official' until you haven't had your period in over one year. I think I am pretty darn old (56) for not being officially in menopause. Before I left for the Peace Corps, I had been noticing some subtle changes with all that wonderful stuff...missing a few, lighter, and I was either sweating profusely on the tennis court cause I was hot and trying so hard OR enjoying the wonderful experience of hot flashes.

But after I was here and hanging with all these young people (over half are right out of college and another 3/8 are under 30), my body got confused and thought it was young again. I started becoming super regular and NO menopausal symptoms at all... until November. Then my body came to its senses and said, “Woman, you ARE old!” No menses until February.

Felt fine until February and then started having severe mood issues. I initially chalked it up to dealing with my new life here in the Peace Corps. But there were a few days where I thought I wanted to kill someone! I mean to tell you, I was feeling like I was having an 'out-of-body' experience. I did not recognize WHO this 'other' person was but I can tell you, she wasn't very nice and I didn't like her ONE bit. On Friday, the 19th of February, I couldn't stop sobbing. Thank God for Erica who was patient, understanding, and sympathetic. She called Roger because she was so concerned about me and he then made the long bus ride down on that Saturday. By Saturday, I was coming around but of course, it was great to see him. And there couldn't be a kinder, more compassionate man on the planet. But I still wasn't thinking any of this was hormonal til Sunday when you know what arrived... and stayed heavy for over two weeks.

Ok, now it was making sense. I talked to our resident medical staff to get some help. I wanted the people in Belize to be safe from this deranged lunatic on the loose. The 'front line' artillery employed was low-dose estrogen. I'm happy to report that after 29 days on this hormone, I feel great again. Hopefully I won't need this too long. But for now, the people of Belize can rest safe at night.

There are enough challenges here without throwing menopause into the mix...

Coming home soon for Aubrey's graduation...can't wait to see Ashley, Bobby, Nicole, Jeff, and Aubs and my wonderful, kind, and supportive friends. And you're SAFE! Ha Ha!!!!

God bless us all... tracy

Lacey

It seems like all my life I have wanted to serve in the Peace Corps. Mostly, it seemed like a good way to give back to the planet after years of being consumed with my own stuff—myself, my family, my work, my friends. ME. Now it would be about others...

The window of opportunity never opened during younger years. After college, I needed to work to support myself. Then I got married and had children. It wasn't until now when the children had graduated from college, established themselves, and become self-reliant that I considered Peace Corps as a viable option.

Ashley is doing extremely well and learning a lot this first year as a tax attorney with an estate planning firm in Vero Beach. Bobby continues to pursue his dream of 'professional poker' having recently won a few dollars coming in first in two large tournaments. Then there is Aubrey...

Aubrey still had another year of nursing school ahead of her when I left. I had saved so that I could cover the bulk of her expenses during this year. She has worked diligently to supplement the 'kitty' to make ends meet. But she has needed more than financial support... (Don't we all?)

Thank God for the many nurses, professors, and mentors at the University of Florida and the VA Hospital that have impacted Aubrey in a huge way. These people have helped teach, shape and support my daughter, especially in my absence. They have provided Aubrey with tremendous moral and emotional support. I am forever grateful.

This blog is dedicated to all the nurses out there...the REAL selfless people... a wonderful blend of heart, body, and soul. Lacey, Aubrey's preceptor, epitomizes the caring individual that lives her life selflessly. Lacey has been a wonderful role model and friend for my daughter. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I am humbled when I think how nurses live their entire lives the way they do....not just a mere clump of months like I'm trying to do...

Today is Aubrey's birthday! No gifts from mom...but Aubrey understands the greatest gifts are those from the heart. You are loved by many, dear. Those relationships are your gifts.

I love you honey...I am so proud of your accomplishments...And a very, very Happy Birthday!

God bless us all...love, tracy

'White Lady'

I learned a term, quite by accident, when I first moved to San Miguel. I was living with my host family, Sebastian and Juvena Pop and their seven lovely children. I heard the words, 'shan shaq', and then some giggles. I had asked what this meant and why they were laughing. Shan shaq meant 'white lady' in K'ekchi and of course that was me and I guess I'm funny. I was not supposed to know this as it is an inside derogatory reference to this 'odd' person now living in their village.

I am different...in every sense. I stand taller than all the women (by a mile) and most of the men. I do some 'jobs' that are normally for the men only...like construction of latrines and building pig pens. And since I ran a water source inside my 'house', I don't need to bathe in the river which is a ½ mile walk. I can take a shower in the privacy of my own 'kitchen'. I greet people on the road and sometimes I hug the children. But mostly it's the unusual color of my skin—horrid in comparison to their smooth and creamy flawless deep beige.

Yesterday I was riding my bike on the gravel road. I ran into Sebastian and we chatted for quite a while. Yesterday, on Easter, 'Bingo', their wonderful dog, had been hit by the bus and killed instantly. I asked if the children cried as they were all together making the long walk from the farm and witnessed the incident. “No”, he said. But they all had said it was a good thing that I wasn't with them as they know what I would have done... I loved Bingo.

I stopped and chatted with three other neighbors...one of whom invited me inside and fed me lunch.

But I am writing this 'story' to relay this next encounter that really touched me...

My next stop was at one of the village 'shops' for a loaf of bread. The two daughters in the family were playing with their two girl cousins that were visiting from Belmopan for the Easter holiday. (Children have two weeks off school). The visiting cousins were 6 and 8 years old. After sitting with them and chatting for nearly an hour, the younger girl who was nuzzled up close to me looked up with her big brown eyes and sweetest demure smile and said, “We don't like 'white people'.” I asked why not? She thought for a few seconds and said, “I think we are afraid”. I then asked her if she felt afraid of me? “No”, was her response. (Remember, this child is six years old.)

“When I go to church and the priest talks about how Jesus loves me, I feel my heart inside of me pounding like this”, and she placed her tiny hand on her chest and patted herself. “Right now, I feel that same pounding in my heart”, and she reached for my hand to hold it. “I won't be afraid of white people anymore”, she said with assurance.

“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen, nor touched...but are felt in the heart”—Helen Keller

An ancient Mayan wall within this tiny person came tumbling down.

God bless us all...love, tracy P.S. Happy Birthday tomorrow to Sue Beale and congrats on hole-in-one!