Who this Peace Corps experience is really for???

The driving force behind my decision to join the Peace Corps was one of a desire to do my small part to make this world a better place. I didn't really know how that would come about but I trusted that if I put myself 'out there', the powers of the universe would show me the way. So far, I feel like I'm still on the outside looking in and the path is hazy to say the least!?!

What have I learned so far? Belize is a very diverse country with a diverse people. The cultures vary as far as the spectrum can arc. The Mestizo's (Spanish) and the Garifuna (African slave refugees that ended up in Jamaica and then here) know how to party! Their life seems relatively uncomplicated, not terribly motivated, love music and dance and tend to inbibe repeatedly and incessantlly! In sharp constrast are the Mayans—whether Mopan or K'ekchi. Their life is arduous, purposeful, and somber. They tend to marry young and have large families. There are no toys, no recreation, music from the churches only, and no dance. Individually, I can sometimes see a glimpse of humor and/or levity but as a group they are ALL rote. The men work on their farms, not for a salary, but to feed their family. So all their food is straight from their farms and the surrounding land. This explains why, when I made them some chocolate chip cookies that they eyed the cookie curiously and reluctantly before they tried one, then two, then three!!! The women bust their butts to wash, cook, clean, and take care of the large family. The children learn these same practices at very early ages so they will be ready for adulthood by the time they're 14. The country as a whole is extremely impoverished. It appears to me that the more educated people have an idea of the world 'outside Belize' and greatly desire Belize to make strides with infrastructure advancement. But most seem oblivious to the outside world and would just as soon stay just as they are...it seems to me reminiscent of our American Indian! Therein lies the problem...no motivation to improve themselves. Sometimes I can see the advantages of staying just as they are...certainly within their dying Mayan culture. Can you imagine my challenge here? We don't help where we see 'issues' but where they want changes. And basically, they like it just the way it is!! So each individual day, I accomplish terribly difficult tasks like helping a mom hull her corn, teaching a child a new card game, or helping an elder walk up the hilly road... Hazy path, indeed!

I have learned that my life back home was easy and wasteful. If you could see how these people live you would thank God (or whoever you believe in) that you were born or live in our country. The ONLY problem is sometimes we don't know it until we live here totally engulfed in a entirely different culture and experience these adverse conditions. My hair is falling out by the handfuls (thank goodness I had lots to start with!), my skin is saggy from weight loss and dehydration, and I believe my eyes have lost their sparkle...(don't know for sure since it's been months since I've looked at a mirror). But if I left here tomorrow, my life has been made richer for the experience. I know I will live my remaining days on this planet in total gratitude. I am so thankful to my children and my friends for making life so enjoyable and my only regret is that I don't believe I've taken adequate time and energy to let you know how much I appreciate you. I hope you will forgive me.

Last week, while in Belmopan for our All Volunteer Conference, I had occasion to do two things that were REALLY important in my life before Peace Corps. I picked up a tennis racquet for the first time in 7 or 8 months and I played in a poker tournament. With borrowed tennis shoes and racquet, I hit against another volunteer at the American Embassy. I was terribly rusty and felt clutsy not to mention, hot and sweaty. But just to have the opportunity was a real treat. Then Saturday, Bobby had paid for a buy-in to a satellite poker tournament in Belize City for a $2500 buy-in in March. I was afraid that I might have forgotten how to play but it basically came back to me. Best hand I had all afternoon was pocket 8's and I misplayed that one badly. Thought I was ahead (and I was) until the river but couldn't get him to fold. I'm sure Bobby would have played just about every hand I had differently...ended up 16th out of 42 (not great) and certainly not good enough to win one of the six seats they gave away. What did strike me at the tournament was how careless everyone played. My Peace Corps mindset of no waste and deliberate and calculative spending does not blend homogeneously with the mentality of a poker game where a reckless lifestyle is an advantage. I hope to play tennis again but believe it's best to leave poker alone for now. But, thank you Bobby for your generosity that gave me that opportunity to learn that lesson.

I have been writing this blog in the community center of San Miguel waiting for some 'moms' to show up. There are a group of American dentists coming to the neighboring village of Columbia (only 3 miles away) on February 27 and 28. I have done two dental presentations in each of the classrooms, done a limited screening on all 183 students with a note sent home to the parents, succeeded in getting the teachers to have students brush their teeth at school after lunch, and put up flyers at all the 'shops' in the village asking parents to become involved with their child's dental health by coming today from 1-4 to discuss their individual child's status. The general state of dental health here is alarming and needs desperate attention. Again, my thoughts and not theirs! It's almost 4 and not one parent... such a HAZY PATH!!

I have learned lessons here and I attempt to pass them on to you... that's the only crystal clear path right now...the Belizean/Hodson path remains hazy!

God bless us all!