Village Buses

At least once a week I ride the village bus into Punta Gorda town usually for groceries... On each village bus (which are 'retired' US school buses) there's the driver and a 'conductor'. The conductor's job is to assist passengers on and off the bus with their loads and the collection of bus fares.

The two conductors on the two village buses that service San Miguel strut identically. There's a certain cocky 'flare' as they walk down the center aisle collecting the fares. I can do an excellent imitation (I think) of their mannerisms but Greg (a fellow PCV in the neighboring village of Silver Creek) does it better. There's good reason for their 'strut'...they are among the few that have jobs with paychecks in Toledo. (The vast majority primarily live off the land) So it's really 'cool' to be a conductor.

I counted the number of stops my bus made this morning--42! The villagers wait at an area closest to their front door and it makes no nevermind if there is another person waiting a mere 15 to 20 feet away. Also, invariably, they wait on the upslope of a hill...I think it might make good mechanical sense if they caught the bus at the top or the downslope?? The bus slips a bit back down the hill until the gears engage and the engine STRAINS...mechanics must have plenty of work here.

There are two people generally to a seat (although I've seen moms with their 5 children all sitting together--6 total!!) I'm usually one of the first ones to load as I am at the beginning of the route (p.s. I wait on the downslope) So there's always a empty seat next to me. That spot is usually the last to fill--clearly, I'm not a desireable seatmate!! Children and some of the younger Mayan ladies are the exception daring to sit with the White Lady.

Today, a beautiful young Mayan lady CHOSE to sit next to me eventhough there were plenty of empty seats. She took her seat without a word, glance lowered, but a hint of a slight smile. After several minutes I asked her where she was going (some get off at neighboring villages) and she answered "PG". A bit later I told her she was a BEAUTIFUL girl. She giggled softly, covering her mouth, and still looking downward...definitely NO eye contact.

Next, I asked her if she was married (appeared to be about 20 or 21 which is old NOT to be married here). She answered, "no", and I blurted out without much thought, "well, good for you!" With that she giggled a little more, hand still covering her smile. A few minutes later, a group of three young Mayan men boarded the bus and I commented that the one was really cute. More giggles...Then one got on that I said was too skinny and another one was too short. By now, she is almost laughing out loud, head raised and looking RIGHT at me!! (I'm sure she was thinking, what a weirdo I was??) but nonetheless, I KNOW she was enjoying her ride to town.

On the rest of our ride to PG, her whole posture had changed...her glance was no longer downward and the smile had become unleashed. Apparently, when it comes to the 'mating game', there are no differences in age, ethnicities, and no borders that divide us...we are ALL sisters...

God bless us all...tracy

Doggie Dilemma

I have wanted to serve in the Peace Corps since I first heard about its inception when I was only seven years old. It has been hard to find the window of time in my life when it would work for myself and my family as most of you know 'my story'... When I left in August, I thought I had most of my 'business' attended to...house rented, car sold, possessions sold or given away, money saved for Aubrey's last year of undergraduate education, not to mention all the fun paperwork involved in packing up one's life and moving to a third world country... It was especially hard to leave my two dogs because as you know, I'm a HUGE dog lover and Duchess and Chunk are like my best friends...but I thought I had all the particulars worked out with them so I took the leap of faith and pursued my dream...

ONE BIG PROBLEM...The initial plan with the dogs did not work out and then the dogs were bounced from Aubrey, to Ashley, and then to Bobby. I appreciate their help but it is impossible for Aubrey to care for them with her 12 hour shifts. Ashley and Bobby already have two of their own and four has been a hardship. Right now, Ashley has been caring for Chunk and Bobby has Duchess. But Duchess has a bladder stone that needs a special 'canned food' diet and frequent trips outside. Poor thing, I guess it's all part of getting older for my sweetheart.

If there is anyone out there that might be able to care for one of my dogs for the remainder of the time while I'm here in the Peace Corps, please contact me through my email or comment on this blog. They are both loving, kind, and affectionate Maltese that sorely miss their mom (I miss them too)

I want to stand strong in pursuing my ultimate dream of service with the Peace Corps but this situation has reached a critical point and I may have to leave. I will pray for resolution...

God bless us all...

Lots of Little Updates

My host mom made a dress for me like all the women wear in the village. It certainly was an 'icebreaker' for the shy Mayan ladies. Even THEY were quick to tell me how much they liked me in my new dress!

Last week was the swearing in of the new volunteers. I thought our group was cohesive and enthusiastic but this new group of 36 is amazing! Zack delivered an inspiring speech that elevated me right out of my seat. He made me excited about getting back to my village of San Miguel. (Pictured is Jane and myself after swearing in--she is a new volunteer that Kerry from Murray Ct. knows!!)

I'm almost finished with the inventory of books in the principal's office...

Today I helped another neighbor build his 'new' latrine. That is ALWAYS a job. One of my goals here is to see that every village home has their own latrine. I believe there are 3 or 4 more to go...

I have been working on my garden and planting many of the seeds you have sent. (By the way, your seeds have found their way all over this little country in village and school gardens--thank you, thank you!) It's rainy season so I'm not sure how successful I'll be this time of year. When it rains, it's a deluge and often the seeds get washed away. I'm not giving up though. The men in San Miguel have their farms that they ride to every morning--usually about 3-5 miles out of the village. There, they grow predominantly corn and beans. No one in the village (except me)has a garden. I am trying to generate interest by working in my garden. Passerbys have inquired as to what I'm trying to grow, etc. There is 'food security' in San Miguel as no one goes hungry. But the diet lacks variance and balance. Every meal is either chicken, eggs, or fish with rice and beans and tortillas. Fruits are eaten only when in season and growing on one's property. Otherewise, there aren't fruits and vegetables unless you can afford to go into Punta Gorda on market days and buy from the vendors. I'm hoping my garden will 'open doors' for discussion on nutrition and healthier diets and maybe gardens of their own! No Einstein needed here to see that diet plays a HUGE role in Belize with the high incidence of high bllod pressure, diabetes, and premature death.

The PCPP grant proposal is still in Peace Corps Belize's office. Most of you know about the playground that we want to build here in San Miguel. After the proposal gets approved here, it will be sent to the main office in Washington, DC. At that point, I'll write more concerning the project as many of you have indicated interest in helping out...thank you so much.

They are anticipating a busy hurricane season--sure you all know that better than I do. I am one of the 'wardens' for the group of volunteers in Toledo. Wardens make sure PCV's get the message to evacuate and consolidate in the event of a storm. The problem is that in most of Toledo, PCV's have no cell phone service, no village 'community phone', and infrequent bus service. I have visions of mounting my neighbor's horse (pictured) and playing Paul Revere. Should be interesting...

Last picture is a new cat that has found his way into my house (along with the chickens, rooster, rabbits, and Blackie. I have put my foot down when the pigs try to come through!!) Word must be out in the animal community that the white lady has food...

All is well...God bless us all...love, tracy

No Place Like Home!

Toto! I don't think we're in Kansas anymore!

I'm reflecting on whether it was more of a culture shock to arrive back in the states or when I returned to Belize via Mexico...not sure...

It was so wonderful to arrive in Florida. It took me 19 hours to get to Cancun from Punta Gorda and only an hour and twenty minutes to fly to Orlando...wow! When I first stepped foot in Orlando, the thought occurred to me to kiss the ground of our wonderful country but thought I might create a 'people traffic jam' as the crowd was busy scurrying along. So I didn't. Everything looked so squeaky clean and shiny.

It was absolute heaven to spend quiet time with Ashley, Bobby, and Aubrey. After Aubrey's graduation and Sue Brown's visit, we had the pleasure of being able to use Kim and Joann's place in North Carolina for several days where we all reconnected...very little TV, no cell phones, no computer... We hiked in the mountain fresh air and made a fire in the fireplace. Just two days earlier, I had left temperatures in the 110 degree range...a nice and welcomed change.

We came back to Jupiter and had a chance to visit with many dear friends. Thank you all for your hospitality and generosity with all the dinner tabs. Really feel like your poor and indigent friend but I guess there's much truth to that!! Rich in friendships, however. I feel so blessed.

Back to the village and life as usual. This felt like coming home again...somewhat odd. It is such a different culture but much to be said about the uncomplicated existence. So poor but very few worries. That very idea has been one of my main challenges. Just sooo used to being busy in the States that this slowed-up pace has been a foreign concept.

Thank you all for a wonderful visit home...my welcome mat is always out if any of you care to venture...I think Carlene and Katrin might do it!!!

God bless us all...tracy

Hormones

Hormones are a funny thing. I always thought that since I was fortunate to never suffer from PMS and that my three pregnancies were the happiest times in my life, that menopause would ease on in and ease on out. Not so...

I guess menopause isn't 'official' until you haven't had your period in over one year. I think I am pretty darn old (56) for not being officially in menopause. Before I left for the Peace Corps, I had been noticing some subtle changes with all that wonderful stuff...missing a few, lighter, and I was either sweating profusely on the tennis court cause I was hot and trying so hard OR enjoying the wonderful experience of hot flashes.

But after I was here and hanging with all these young people (over half are right out of college and another 3/8 are under 30), my body got confused and thought it was young again. I started becoming super regular and NO menopausal symptoms at all... until November. Then my body came to its senses and said, “Woman, you ARE old!” No menses until February.

Felt fine until February and then started having severe mood issues. I initially chalked it up to dealing with my new life here in the Peace Corps. But there were a few days where I thought I wanted to kill someone! I mean to tell you, I was feeling like I was having an 'out-of-body' experience. I did not recognize WHO this 'other' person was but I can tell you, she wasn't very nice and I didn't like her ONE bit. On Friday, the 19th of February, I couldn't stop sobbing. Thank God for Erica who was patient, understanding, and sympathetic. She called Roger because she was so concerned about me and he then made the long bus ride down on that Saturday. By Saturday, I was coming around but of course, it was great to see him. And there couldn't be a kinder, more compassionate man on the planet. But I still wasn't thinking any of this was hormonal til Sunday when you know what arrived... and stayed heavy for over two weeks.

Ok, now it was making sense. I talked to our resident medical staff to get some help. I wanted the people in Belize to be safe from this deranged lunatic on the loose. The 'front line' artillery employed was low-dose estrogen. I'm happy to report that after 29 days on this hormone, I feel great again. Hopefully I won't need this too long. But for now, the people of Belize can rest safe at night.

There are enough challenges here without throwing menopause into the mix...

Coming home soon for Aubrey's graduation...can't wait to see Ashley, Bobby, Nicole, Jeff, and Aubs and my wonderful, kind, and supportive friends. And you're SAFE! Ha Ha!!!!

God bless us all... tracy

Lacey

It seems like all my life I have wanted to serve in the Peace Corps. Mostly, it seemed like a good way to give back to the planet after years of being consumed with my own stuff—myself, my family, my work, my friends. ME. Now it would be about others...

The window of opportunity never opened during younger years. After college, I needed to work to support myself. Then I got married and had children. It wasn't until now when the children had graduated from college, established themselves, and become self-reliant that I considered Peace Corps as a viable option.

Ashley is doing extremely well and learning a lot this first year as a tax attorney with an estate planning firm in Vero Beach. Bobby continues to pursue his dream of 'professional poker' having recently won a few dollars coming in first in two large tournaments. Then there is Aubrey...

Aubrey still had another year of nursing school ahead of her when I left. I had saved so that I could cover the bulk of her expenses during this year. She has worked diligently to supplement the 'kitty' to make ends meet. But she has needed more than financial support... (Don't we all?)

Thank God for the many nurses, professors, and mentors at the University of Florida and the VA Hospital that have impacted Aubrey in a huge way. These people have helped teach, shape and support my daughter, especially in my absence. They have provided Aubrey with tremendous moral and emotional support. I am forever grateful.

This blog is dedicated to all the nurses out there...the REAL selfless people... a wonderful blend of heart, body, and soul. Lacey, Aubrey's preceptor, epitomizes the caring individual that lives her life selflessly. Lacey has been a wonderful role model and friend for my daughter. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I am humbled when I think how nurses live their entire lives the way they do....not just a mere clump of months like I'm trying to do...

Today is Aubrey's birthday! No gifts from mom...but Aubrey understands the greatest gifts are those from the heart. You are loved by many, dear. Those relationships are your gifts.

I love you honey...I am so proud of your accomplishments...And a very, very Happy Birthday!

God bless us all...love, tracy

'White Lady'

I learned a term, quite by accident, when I first moved to San Miguel. I was living with my host family, Sebastian and Juvena Pop and their seven lovely children. I heard the words, 'shan shaq', and then some giggles. I had asked what this meant and why they were laughing. Shan shaq meant 'white lady' in K'ekchi and of course that was me and I guess I'm funny. I was not supposed to know this as it is an inside derogatory reference to this 'odd' person now living in their village.

I am different...in every sense. I stand taller than all the women (by a mile) and most of the men. I do some 'jobs' that are normally for the men only...like construction of latrines and building pig pens. And since I ran a water source inside my 'house', I don't need to bathe in the river which is a ½ mile walk. I can take a shower in the privacy of my own 'kitchen'. I greet people on the road and sometimes I hug the children. But mostly it's the unusual color of my skin—horrid in comparison to their smooth and creamy flawless deep beige.

Yesterday I was riding my bike on the gravel road. I ran into Sebastian and we chatted for quite a while. Yesterday, on Easter, 'Bingo', their wonderful dog, had been hit by the bus and killed instantly. I asked if the children cried as they were all together making the long walk from the farm and witnessed the incident. “No”, he said. But they all had said it was a good thing that I wasn't with them as they know what I would have done... I loved Bingo.

I stopped and chatted with three other neighbors...one of whom invited me inside and fed me lunch.

But I am writing this 'story' to relay this next encounter that really touched me...

My next stop was at one of the village 'shops' for a loaf of bread. The two daughters in the family were playing with their two girl cousins that were visiting from Belmopan for the Easter holiday. (Children have two weeks off school). The visiting cousins were 6 and 8 years old. After sitting with them and chatting for nearly an hour, the younger girl who was nuzzled up close to me looked up with her big brown eyes and sweetest demure smile and said, “We don't like 'white people'.” I asked why not? She thought for a few seconds and said, “I think we are afraid”. I then asked her if she felt afraid of me? “No”, was her response. (Remember, this child is six years old.)

“When I go to church and the priest talks about how Jesus loves me, I feel my heart inside of me pounding like this”, and she placed her tiny hand on her chest and patted herself. “Right now, I feel that same pounding in my heart”, and she reached for my hand to hold it. “I won't be afraid of white people anymore”, she said with assurance.

“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen, nor touched...but are felt in the heart”—Helen Keller

An ancient Mayan wall within this tiny person came tumbling down.

God bless us all...love, tracy P.S. Happy Birthday tomorrow to Sue Beale and congrats on hole-in-one!