No Place Like Home!

Toto! I don't think we're in Kansas anymore!

I'm reflecting on whether it was more of a culture shock to arrive back in the states or when I returned to Belize via Mexico...not sure...

It was so wonderful to arrive in Florida. It took me 19 hours to get to Cancun from Punta Gorda and only an hour and twenty minutes to fly to Orlando...wow! When I first stepped foot in Orlando, the thought occurred to me to kiss the ground of our wonderful country but thought I might create a 'people traffic jam' as the crowd was busy scurrying along. So I didn't. Everything looked so squeaky clean and shiny.

It was absolute heaven to spend quiet time with Ashley, Bobby, and Aubrey. After Aubrey's graduation and Sue Brown's visit, we had the pleasure of being able to use Kim and Joann's place in North Carolina for several days where we all reconnected...very little TV, no cell phones, no computer... We hiked in the mountain fresh air and made a fire in the fireplace. Just two days earlier, I had left temperatures in the 110 degree range...a nice and welcomed change.

We came back to Jupiter and had a chance to visit with many dear friends. Thank you all for your hospitality and generosity with all the dinner tabs. Really feel like your poor and indigent friend but I guess there's much truth to that!! Rich in friendships, however. I feel so blessed.

Back to the village and life as usual. This felt like coming home again...somewhat odd. It is such a different culture but much to be said about the uncomplicated existence. So poor but very few worries. That very idea has been one of my main challenges. Just sooo used to being busy in the States that this slowed-up pace has been a foreign concept.

Thank you all for a wonderful visit home...my welcome mat is always out if any of you care to venture...I think Carlene and Katrin might do it!!!

God bless us all...tracy

Hormones

Hormones are a funny thing. I always thought that since I was fortunate to never suffer from PMS and that my three pregnancies were the happiest times in my life, that menopause would ease on in and ease on out. Not so...

I guess menopause isn't 'official' until you haven't had your period in over one year. I think I am pretty darn old (56) for not being officially in menopause. Before I left for the Peace Corps, I had been noticing some subtle changes with all that wonderful stuff...missing a few, lighter, and I was either sweating profusely on the tennis court cause I was hot and trying so hard OR enjoying the wonderful experience of hot flashes.

But after I was here and hanging with all these young people (over half are right out of college and another 3/8 are under 30), my body got confused and thought it was young again. I started becoming super regular and NO menopausal symptoms at all... until November. Then my body came to its senses and said, “Woman, you ARE old!” No menses until February.

Felt fine until February and then started having severe mood issues. I initially chalked it up to dealing with my new life here in the Peace Corps. But there were a few days where I thought I wanted to kill someone! I mean to tell you, I was feeling like I was having an 'out-of-body' experience. I did not recognize WHO this 'other' person was but I can tell you, she wasn't very nice and I didn't like her ONE bit. On Friday, the 19th of February, I couldn't stop sobbing. Thank God for Erica who was patient, understanding, and sympathetic. She called Roger because she was so concerned about me and he then made the long bus ride down on that Saturday. By Saturday, I was coming around but of course, it was great to see him. And there couldn't be a kinder, more compassionate man on the planet. But I still wasn't thinking any of this was hormonal til Sunday when you know what arrived... and stayed heavy for over two weeks.

Ok, now it was making sense. I talked to our resident medical staff to get some help. I wanted the people in Belize to be safe from this deranged lunatic on the loose. The 'front line' artillery employed was low-dose estrogen. I'm happy to report that after 29 days on this hormone, I feel great again. Hopefully I won't need this too long. But for now, the people of Belize can rest safe at night.

There are enough challenges here without throwing menopause into the mix...

Coming home soon for Aubrey's graduation...can't wait to see Ashley, Bobby, Nicole, Jeff, and Aubs and my wonderful, kind, and supportive friends. And you're SAFE! Ha Ha!!!!

God bless us all... tracy

Lacey

It seems like all my life I have wanted to serve in the Peace Corps. Mostly, it seemed like a good way to give back to the planet after years of being consumed with my own stuff—myself, my family, my work, my friends. ME. Now it would be about others...

The window of opportunity never opened during younger years. After college, I needed to work to support myself. Then I got married and had children. It wasn't until now when the children had graduated from college, established themselves, and become self-reliant that I considered Peace Corps as a viable option.

Ashley is doing extremely well and learning a lot this first year as a tax attorney with an estate planning firm in Vero Beach. Bobby continues to pursue his dream of 'professional poker' having recently won a few dollars coming in first in two large tournaments. Then there is Aubrey...

Aubrey still had another year of nursing school ahead of her when I left. I had saved so that I could cover the bulk of her expenses during this year. She has worked diligently to supplement the 'kitty' to make ends meet. But she has needed more than financial support... (Don't we all?)

Thank God for the many nurses, professors, and mentors at the University of Florida and the VA Hospital that have impacted Aubrey in a huge way. These people have helped teach, shape and support my daughter, especially in my absence. They have provided Aubrey with tremendous moral and emotional support. I am forever grateful.

This blog is dedicated to all the nurses out there...the REAL selfless people... a wonderful blend of heart, body, and soul. Lacey, Aubrey's preceptor, epitomizes the caring individual that lives her life selflessly. Lacey has been a wonderful role model and friend for my daughter. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I am humbled when I think how nurses live their entire lives the way they do....not just a mere clump of months like I'm trying to do...

Today is Aubrey's birthday! No gifts from mom...but Aubrey understands the greatest gifts are those from the heart. You are loved by many, dear. Those relationships are your gifts.

I love you honey...I am so proud of your accomplishments...And a very, very Happy Birthday!

God bless us all...love, tracy

'White Lady'

I learned a term, quite by accident, when I first moved to San Miguel. I was living with my host family, Sebastian and Juvena Pop and their seven lovely children. I heard the words, 'shan shaq', and then some giggles. I had asked what this meant and why they were laughing. Shan shaq meant 'white lady' in K'ekchi and of course that was me and I guess I'm funny. I was not supposed to know this as it is an inside derogatory reference to this 'odd' person now living in their village.

I am different...in every sense. I stand taller than all the women (by a mile) and most of the men. I do some 'jobs' that are normally for the men only...like construction of latrines and building pig pens. And since I ran a water source inside my 'house', I don't need to bathe in the river which is a ½ mile walk. I can take a shower in the privacy of my own 'kitchen'. I greet people on the road and sometimes I hug the children. But mostly it's the unusual color of my skin—horrid in comparison to their smooth and creamy flawless deep beige.

Yesterday I was riding my bike on the gravel road. I ran into Sebastian and we chatted for quite a while. Yesterday, on Easter, 'Bingo', their wonderful dog, had been hit by the bus and killed instantly. I asked if the children cried as they were all together making the long walk from the farm and witnessed the incident. “No”, he said. But they all had said it was a good thing that I wasn't with them as they know what I would have done... I loved Bingo.

I stopped and chatted with three other neighbors...one of whom invited me inside and fed me lunch.

But I am writing this 'story' to relay this next encounter that really touched me...

My next stop was at one of the village 'shops' for a loaf of bread. The two daughters in the family were playing with their two girl cousins that were visiting from Belmopan for the Easter holiday. (Children have two weeks off school). The visiting cousins were 6 and 8 years old. After sitting with them and chatting for nearly an hour, the younger girl who was nuzzled up close to me looked up with her big brown eyes and sweetest demure smile and said, “We don't like 'white people'.” I asked why not? She thought for a few seconds and said, “I think we are afraid”. I then asked her if she felt afraid of me? “No”, was her response. (Remember, this child is six years old.)

“When I go to church and the priest talks about how Jesus loves me, I feel my heart inside of me pounding like this”, and she placed her tiny hand on her chest and patted herself. “Right now, I feel that same pounding in my heart”, and she reached for my hand to hold it. “I won't be afraid of white people anymore”, she said with assurance.

“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen, nor touched...but are felt in the heart”—Helen Keller

An ancient Mayan wall within this tiny person came tumbling down.

God bless us all...love, tracy P.S. Happy Birthday tomorrow to Sue Beale and congrats on hole-in-one!

'Blackie'

There's this dog that I guess came with the house I live in in San Miguel. Homes in the states come with varying amenities...homes here in San Miguel come with mangy dogs with parasites.

So I injected this dog twice with some medicine that the hardware store provided for me ($1.50 BZ) back in November. He started looking great! But recently the mange came back and he's losing weight but this time he won't let me inject him—dogs DO remember! (I'll have to work on this problem?!?)

The dogs here are treated so poorly. I guess people have them mostly to serve as watchdogs. They are kicked by every member of the family and not fed (except at my old host family's home where they gave Bones and Bingo tablescraps). I'm certain Blackie is the only dog in the village that eats dog food AND table scraps.

With Blackie's mange, it is not too appetizing to pet him barehanded so I put on my garden gloves and he 'eats up' the attention. Of course, I greet him every morning as he sleeps right outside my door. I don't 'give' like I would to my own dogs...guess I really haven't claimed him yet and I feel bad about that...

This past Saturday I planned on visiting two peace corps friends in Dangriga (3 hour bus ride away). I decided to catch the bus at the junction of the highway which is about a 5-6 mile trek to the road. I started off on my bike and Blackie was following. The sun was intense so the sweat was profuse as I pedaled up and down the very hilly rocky road. Blackie kept stride. A couple of times I told him to go home but he must only understand K'ekchi... he kept following. We finally arrived at the junction and I took my bike to this family I have befriended that has been kind enough to store it when I take these jaunts. Blackie came into their house and plopped down on the cool concrete. Avelina asked if he was my dog? “No, but he thinks he is!”

The bus was due to reach the junction in about ten minutes. I walked across the road, Blackie followed. There isn't an ounce of civilization for miles in any direction other than Avelina and Jorge's home. About two miles down the road, I see the northbound bus approaching. I do the customary hand signal that indicates I want a ride. The bus slows and I get on. I find a seat quickly but stay standing as I want to see that Blackie crosses the road heading back to San Miguel.

NO! He is sprinting after the bus. I sit down and ponder...

This dog gets so very little and yet is so loving and loyal. The children in San Miguel get so little and yet they are loving to their siblings and dutiful to their parents. There are no toys here, there are no gifts, and there's no recreation. But the responsibility they own for their little brother or sister's comfort or safety is something I witness on a daily basis. (I just looked out my window and saw two neighbor girls, ages 7 and 8, walking back from the river with huge bowls of dishes on their heads that they just washed and holding hands with a younger sibling).

I know we all mean well when we give our children so many THINGS back home. They may lose sight of what's really important like building character or relationships. They might miss opportunities to impact other lives in a positive way or to reach out to their siblings. Their lives can sometimes turn inward and in the process become lost and lonely. Maybe we're doing them a disservice by providing so much that they can't value what is truly important...I don't know...

I came back on Monday and Blackie was lying by my door... such a good dog...

God bless us all... love, tracy

Thanks for your interest! You're the best!

FIVE of you sent me emails telling me about the recent article in the local paper back home and wanted to know more! Thank you so much for keeping abreast of the happenings here and wanting to share in this Peace Corps endeavor...

There is an organization in Belize (also in West Indies islands like Jamaica) called the Remote Caregivers Program. The RCP's mission is to provide the very young children (ages 8 mos to 3 yrs) in remote villages an opportunity for early learning. There are 4 RCP teachers in my village of San Miguel. They go to the homes where there are young children and teach colors, numbers, the alphabet...mostly through songs! I think the REAL benefit of their teaching is the familiarization with the English language. K'ekchi is spoken exclusively in these homes and yet when the children start pre-school, the lessons are taught in English. This introduction to the English language eases that transition from home to school for the 3-4 yr. olds. My host sister, Yadira, 2, was one of these students so I was able to witness the lessons first hand (twice a week). The stimulation was evident as Yadira was thriving!

About two months ago, one of the RCP teachers approached me and wanted to know if I could help them build a playground in San Miguel. The children have no place to play and recreation is a foreign concept (as are toys and games) I thought this was a great idea so we started with meetings to find out just what their 'vision' was and how we would finance this. (As you know, no one in the village gets a paycheck, it's all sustenance farming to provide food for their families...so funding from the inside is an impossibility) We have drawings in place and estimates of lumber and materials. This country seems so upside down to me as it is so poor and yet costs (like lumber) are so incredibly high...looks like just over $4000 BZ ($2000 US).

I applied for a 'Kids to Kids' grant and was successful ($500 US) That is what you read about in the newspaper. Now I'm working on a PCPP grant (Peace Corps Partnership Program) where anyone has the opportunity to read what Peace Corps is trying to do all over the world and can choose to donate if the spirit moves them to do so. Once I've applied, I will let you know and if anyone would like to contribute, they can do so privately online and the funds will go directly to the project. The only catch is...if we fall short of the projected amount, the funds go into a 'kitty' that is used for general projects and not OURS.

Thank you all for your interest. I will let you know when the PCPP application has been posted on the PC website. It's yummy food for my soul to know so many of you are sharing this Peace Corps experience with me. We are all volunteers trying to promote better world relations and peace.

God bless us all...tracy

Happy Birthday Sue Brown (from Mexico!)

Happy Birthday Sue! I called you yesterday from Belize City en route to meet Aubrey in Cozumel today but was just winging it and you questioned the wisdom of that!

Thursday, I took the bus from Punta Gorda up to Benque and stayed the night with Roger. That was a 6 1-2 hour bus ride. Friday morning (Sue´s birthday) I left Benque and traveled east to Belize City (bus was 4 hours). Waited half hour and got on another bus heading north through Orange Walk on to Corozol and supposedly, Chetemal (which is just inside of Mexico). Come to find out that if you reach the border after 5 pm you have to get off the bus and walk across, go through immigration, and then take a cab to Chetemal. (Oh yes, the bus ride from Belize City to Corozol was 3 hours). So I´m walking across the bridge and texting Ashley and get to the other side and no more cell service in Mexico. Take the cab to Chetemal...cabbie no habla ingles and I don´t speak much Spanish but we manage. Get to the bus terminal in Chetemal and wait 3 hours for a bus leaving at 1030 and arrives in Playa Del Carmen (on the mainland opposite Cozumel) at 230 am. Doesn´t seem to make sense to get a room so I am the ONLY person in the bus terminal at 230...it´s freezing in there and I have no warm clothes. I ask an attendant there if ...si es posible, puedo dormir alla? (If possible, can I sleep over there?) Si. He lets me lay down on the floor behind a partition where I cover my whole body with clothes from my bag and bury my head in them to generate some heat. So the next time you see a bag lady or other indigent, be kind...it could be your old friend!!! I must have dozed some because at 530, I hear, senorita, tiene que salir. (Maam, you have to leave). I walk 6 blocks down and 4 blocks over and get to the area where at 8am I can ride the water taxi over to Cozumel. That was a 45 minute boat ride. Finally arrive in Cozumel to find out that where the cruise ships are is a taxi ride away. Get to the port and realize that Aubrey never told me which boat she was on so I´m wondering now if I´ll be able to see her at all. Lucky for both of us, she has my innate sense of sensing gpa´s. I get off the taxi, walk maybe 29 yards and there she is. Thank God! And thank God, I love her so much cause now I´m back in Playa Del Carmen, waiting til 1235 am to ride the 4 hour ride to Chetemal and then catch the 6 am bus from Chetemal to Belize City. Then, 5 hours back to Punta Gorda. So this is from Playa del Carmen, exhausted, no reading glasses so I´ll apologize ahead of time for errors! I´m dead tired but Playa del Carmen is awesome. Actually, all of Mexico seems awesome after Belize...just feel out of touch with no service. And blessed to have seen my little girl.

Moral of this whole story is my insanity is now confirmed and Sue Brown is always right! Hope you had fun at Darlene´s and Happy, happy birthday!

God bless us all...tracy